Sunday, December 25, 2011

Merry Christmas!!!

Kenzie's first Christmas was a wonderful experience! Instead of posting all the pictures here, I'll just direct you to the facebook album. Creepy stalkers welcome. I ain't scurred!

P.S...Don't mind the hideousness that is me.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

10 weeks old

I know I've been a real slacker updating this! New mom and all ;)

Mackenzie is growing SO FAST! I keep telling her she needs to slow down. But at the same time, I can't wait to see who she is going to grow in to. I am so excited!

I'm going to make this short and sweet with some pictures.


-She is smiling and giggling

- Trying to crawl during tummy time (which she HATES)

- Almost rolling over

- Always "talking" to me- Making cute little gurgles and cooing sounds

-Eating about 4 oz every 3 hours.

- ALMOST sleeping through the night. Bedtime is at 9 pm. She wake

s up around 2:30 for a bottle, and then sleeps again until about 6:30-8:30 am.

-She weighs 10 lbs 6 oz and is 22 inches. Her head circumference is 37.2 cm.

She has had some bumps in the road. First, she had a horrible diaper rash that was cleared up by switching from Pampers, to Huggies. And then one day when I was feeding her (Similac Advance) I noticed she started breaking out in these red splotches all over her body. This starting happening at every feeding. Took her in to the Ped. and she was diagnosed with a milk allergy. So we switched to Soy. But the same thing happened. So now she is on Similac Alimentum and is doing great on it. She also has Eczema which we are treating with a steroid cream for the really bad spots, and then just moisturizing 4 times a day with Aveeno Eczema Therapy. Also, we have switches all her bath products to unscented hypoallergenic. She gets it from me. I have such sensitive skin, if anything the least bit irritating comes in contact with it, I break out everywhere. Poor girl is also doomed to be pale forever. Mommy is German and Daddy is Irish. Oh, and she is totally a red-head! At least fo

r now. I think it will eventually turn Strawberry Blonde like my natural hair color.

So that is about it. I will try to be very good about updating this. I'll be gone for a little while. We are taking her to where I used to live in Florida to see her Aunt Rebecca and Uncle Jason! So excited for this trip! It's not often you stay close with your Ex's family. But these 2 people will ALWAYS be a part of my family.

Okay...Picture time! Forgive me for not posting a caption under each one. Blogspot makes it such a pain. So the order it shall go in is 5 weeks, 6 weeks, 7 weeks, Picture with Santa, Smiling, 8 weeks, and 9 weeks! Enjoy!

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Sunday, October 23, 2011

1 Month Old!

Mackenzie is 1 month old already! I can't believe it. I really can't.

Anytime I have her out and about, people can't believe she is only a month old. They think she is at least 3 months. Not because of her size...She is very tiny still. But because of the way she acts! She is SO alert and aware of things around her. She does things that I don't think a 1 month old should know how to do. She can lift her head up and hold it like a pro. She's been doing this since she was a few days old, but now she keeps it up for a long time. She recognizes my hair as something to grab, and pulls it all the time. She also will pull her pacifier out of her mouth if she doesn't want it in there.

She had a HORRIBLE diaper rash that actually started in the hospital. I had noticed her little bottom was really red and irritated and said something to the nurse. She assured me it was just "newborn rash" and would clear up in a few weeks. Well, it kept getting worse and worse. We were using EVERYTHING we could think of. Desitin, Mustela, baby powder, warm cloths etc...It wasn't getting any better and was SO bad, it would bleed everytime we wiped her bottom. The por thing would just scream out in pain. It was heartbreaking. Finally, I did the one thing I hadn't even thought of before. I switched from Pampers to Huggies. The thought never even occured me because I had always heard Pampers was the absolute best. And it's what they were using in the hospital. So it had to be good, right? Wrong. After just 2 diaper changes in the Huggies, her rash was GONE COMPLETELY. Not a single red mark on her bottom. I mean, within HOURS the rash was gone. Thank you Huggies!!! So now we are using the Huggies Sensitive diapers and wipes.

She is sleeping like a champ. She already pretty much has a routine. Bottle (4 oz) around 9:30. Asleep in her crib by 10. Then she wakes up for another feeding about 1:30 or 2. Another 3-4 oz. Then it's back to bed until sometime between 4:30 and 6:30. Some nights, after her 2 am feeding, she'll think it's playtime and not want to go down. So I'll stick her in her swing, put on some rock music (yes, she LOVES rock music...That is her daddy in her!) and usually within 20 minutes she is asleep again. Some nights she just is NOT tired, so I'll play with her a little while and then try the swing again.

Her favorite things:

-Bath time

- Car rides

- Going for walks in the stroller

- EATING!!!!

- Tummy time (although after a while she does start getting frustrated)

- Sleeping on her tummy ( before anyone freaks out and calls CPS on me, I only let her do it when she falls asleep during tummy time on her mat, and I am there watching her.)

Least Favorite Things:

- Being flat on her back

- Diaper changes

- Getting dressed/undressed

- Just being fussed and messed with in general

All in all she is a pretty happy and content little girl!!! I am so excited to watch her grow and see her little personality develop!!!!


Tuesday, October 4, 2011

She's here! And she's amazing!!!

A little over a week ago I brought Miss Mackenzie Paige into the world! At 5:52 am on September 24th!! It was a looong and painful 27 hour labor. We are all doing well, and adjusting. Not much time to do much of anything these days, but it's so worth it!!

Mackenzie's Birth Story~

September 22nd 2011

At 9 pm I got the call from FMH Labor and Delivery to come on in to start my induction! Even though I thought I was totally prepared, I was still running around the house like a chicken with my head cut off.

We arrived at the hospital and I was taken to my room where I got changed, got my IV's (They blew the first vein they tried...OUCH!) and got checked out. Still 0 cm and 0% effaced. Baby was up high.

They put in the cervidil at 11 pm, and from then on it was just the waiting game!

2 am the painful contractions started. At first, they weren't too bad. Painful, but tolerable. They checked me again and sure enough....0 cm 0 % effaced. I somehow managed to make it through the next few hours with these contractions

Towards Friday afternoon the contractions were more then I could bare. I thought for sure I had to be at least 4 cm. I was contracting HARD every 1-3 minutes. They checked me and Nope.... 0 cm 0% effaced...WTH?!?!? At that point I was BEGGING for a C-section. They then gave me Cytotec and told me I needed to walk for an hour. But I was so nauseous despite several doses of Zofran, and dizzy that I couldn't even get out of the bed.

About an hour later, I was screaming in pain. The Dr. came in and checked me..............HALLELUJAH! 2 cm dilated and 50 % effaced!! Progress!!!! The Dr. decided because of the amount of pain I was in, it would be best to get the epidural now and then break my water. So around 5 pm I got the epidural...Did not feel it AT ALL. It actually felt kind of cool when he was threading the catheter down my back! Almost instant, the pain from the contractions was GONE. I was in such good spirits!

He broke my water and there was Meconium in it.....Mackenzie definitley takes after her father! Then they started Pitocin....And here is where the fun begins.

I tried to sleep for a little while, but the epidural again was making me VERY nauseous. I didn't throw up though! And then....The pain returned. Only it was a different pain. A pressure like I had to go to the bathroom really badly. It got worse and worse and worse. Around 4 am, I was THRASHING around in pain. It looked like a scene from The Exorcist. I was grabbing onto the rails of the bed and just shaking them and screaming. The nurse checked me.... 4 cm! WOOHOO!! More pain, more thrashing, more screaming. 15 minutes later the nurse checked me again.... 6cm!! Repeat with the pain and screaming, only 10 x more intense then before, only about 20 minutes had gone by and the nurse checked me again....8-9 cm!!!! At this point, I could NOT stop myself from pushing, the pressure was so intense. The nurse was literally BEGGING me not to push. BEGGING. I tired but I couldn't help it. 5 minutes later she checked me again, and I was 10 cm and ready to go! The Dr. was nowhere to be found though. So tried calling him on the phone, and the phone wouldn't work right. Meanwhile, My epidural stopped working, I can't stop myself from pushing and I can feel Mackenzie coming out. The nurse literally had to HOLD her in. Finally, the Dr walked in and within 4 or 5 giant pushes, I brought my amazing little girl into this world!!! 6 lbs 14 oz and 20 inches long! Perfect!

All together from the time the painful contractions began, I was in labor for 27 hours. I suffered a 3rd degree tear, and I felt EVERY MOMENT of the Dr stitching me up afterwards. OWEY. But it was all so worth it!!!!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

It's baby time!!!!!

Tomorrow night I'll be checking in to L&D and won't be checking out until my daughter is in my arms!!!

Cervidil starts tomorrow night thanks to my oh so uncooperative cervix. And the pitocin will be started Friday morning!

This is it. Here we go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, September 9, 2011

There is an end in sight!

As of today, I am 37 weeks and 1 day pregnant!! Officially full term by all standards! She could come tonight and I would be happier then a pig in shit! She doesn't seem to want to make things that easy for me though.

I've been having some contractions off and on. Nothing timeable or really even worth mentioning. Basically just very strong braxton hicks. As of my last appointment though, I am 1 cm dilated and my cervix is very soft and "favorable" so YAY for that! But no action thus far.

However...We do have a date!! I will be induced on the 23rd!! That's in 2 weeks! Because of the SPD, Gestational Diabetes, and the Hypertension, my OB feels it would be in everyone's best interest for her to come a little early. Hey, I don't mind at all!

I am a little scared about the Pitocin. I know it carries a higher risk of a C-Section, as well as contractions being more painful. But honestly, I'm not one of those women who is like "Ohhhh mah gawd!!! I didn't push a baby out of my vag! I'm a failure as a woman!! WAH!" As long as she gets here safely, and is healthy, I couldn't care less how she gets here.

I would like to go into labor on my own if it all possible. So I've busted out the big guns. Acupressure, Cinnamon tea, Evening Primrose Oil, Red Raspberry Leaf pills, etc...The only thing I haven't tried is the sitting over a steaming bowl of coffee grounds trick. But I'm willing to try it! Walking is difficult because of the SPD, and my doctor did tell me to rest up as much as possible. And ever since I told J that the doctor could feel Mackenzie's head at my last appointment, he is too terrified to have sex. I told him not to flatter himself ;)

So far these things have produced some mild contractions, but again, nothing really worth getting excited over. But I am not giving up!!!

So if anyone even still reads this...Which I highly doubt...Send some natural labor vibes!! Otherwise, I will update again once Little Miss is here!

Friday, August 12, 2011

33 Weeks....4-6 weeks to go!

Hello strangers!! (And Stalkers....You know who you are!)

I just really haven't had the desire to update this thing religiously like I was a year ago. Between the extreme heat wave that is just NOW letting up (it's been in the high 90's with a heat index in the 100's for the last month) and being pregnant and in pain, I just haven' spent much time on the computer.

I had the most AMAZING baby shower on the 16th of July. I was truly touched by everyone who came and their thoughtfulness. I even had people I had never even met before send gifts with my mother-in-law. Some of her very good clients sent us a whole slew of stuff. I don't think I could pick a single favorite item that I got because everything was just too amazing. The day was filled with laughter and trips down memory lane with friends from high school. It was an awesome day.

Then the not so awesome part came. Gestational Diabetes. I has it. BOOOO. I went in for my 3 hour GT test...Which was TORTURE. UG! The drink itself isn't bad at all, I actually kind of like it. But the waiting is the sucky part. The only part I passed was the fasting reading. I failed each hour by like 5 points. So it's not a very severe case, but GD nonetheless! So I then met with a Diabetic Nutritionist, got my monitor and my diet plan. So far, it's been going great! I actually really have no problems sticking to the diet. Every once in a while I'll sneak in some chocolate, or treat myself to an ice cream cone. Doc said that was fine as long as I didn't go overboard. The exciting part about having GD is that my doctor won't let me go past 39 weeks!!! So by September 24th, I should be holding my daughter in my arms!!!!!

We also had a 3d ultrasound session! It was so cool!! The pictures did come out somewhat cloudy because of my anterior placenta but we still got some awesome shots, which I will post. Mackenzie weighs a little over 4 lbs now. She has been head down since 30 weeks too. I also feel like she has dropped, but I am not sure.

The pelvic pain is awful. Agonizing. I cry just from turning over at night. It doesn't seem to ever let up either. It's this pain that has me in the "OMG GET HER OUT OF ME NOOOOOWWWW" moment. I am ready to be done being pregnant. 4-6 weeks feels like I might as well be back in the first trimester!

So yeah...That's it. Lord knows I probably won't update again until she's here! So here are some pictures!

Frown face! Don't cry!

Laughing about something!

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

I'm bad with the updates!

I've really slacked on this thing, huh? Life has been pretty darn hectic these last almost 3 weeks.

I am 26 weeks and 5 days pregnant! Oh so close to officially being in the 3rd trimester!

The last 2 weeks I've been battling an awful sinus/ear infection that I thought was going to kill me. Tylenol and Robitussin just weren't cutting it! So off to the ER I went where they gave me these wonderful pain relief eardrops and a prescription for Penicillin! A few days later I was feeling much better. I still have a bit of a cough, but I'm not hacking up a lung anymore!

Some huge milestones have occurred! J got to feel and see Mackenzie kick! She is a mover and a shaker for sure. She is rarely still. Definitely great for peace of mind....Not so great for trying to sleep! Better get used to that though, huh? I finally caught the little stinker on video! It took FOREVER!! I don't know how she knows, but as soon as the camera goes on, she is as still anything. But I got her good this time!

No Dr appointments to update on but I do have one on the 5th. After this appointment, I start going every 2 weeks!! Yippeee!!!

I think I'll end this post with some pictures!!

25 week belly!

Mackenzie's crib and bedding!

Friday, June 10, 2011

Holy long time, Batman!

Wow! it's been forever since I updated this thing!!! The last time I updated was a little after 20 weeks.

I am now 24 weeks and have officially reached viability! Yippeee!! Another milestone down. So much has happened in the last 4 weeks, I don't know if I can remember it all!

A little after 22 weeks I had a pretty scary visit to L&D. I was taking a nap, was startled by my phone ringing and tripped over the leg of my coffee table trying to answer it. I went right down on my belly on the hardwood floor. I tried not to panic and just lied on the couch. But then the cramping started, and I freaked. So without missing a beat I drove right to L&D. They took me back and hooked me up to the monitors. Mackenzie's heartbeat was fine, but I was having small contractions about every 10-15 minutes. Yikes! They ordered an U/S, did a cervical check and everything was A okay. The contractions stopped after a little while and they sent me home.

As I was leaving the nurse told me she didn't want to see me back for another 14-18 weeks...I was like HUH WHAT??! That's all I have left?! You're kidding!! So surreal.

I had my follow up U/S on the 8th to get her spine measurements that she was too stubborn to show before. And this time was no exception either. Again, she just did not want to show that little spine! So I go back on the 14th to try again, and for the Fetal Echo. But besides that everything else was measuring perfectly! I found out I have an anterior placenta...No big deal, just means J won't be able to feel her as easily or as soon as he would have if I had a posterior placenta. Doesn't affect her growth at all, just a little extra padding she has to kick through.

Speaking of kick.....Oh my lord this child.....She is NUTS! She loves my bladder. I keep telling her it is not a kickball, or a trampoline, but she doesn't seem to get the hint! She must be a very strong little girl because even with the anterior placenta, I feel her all the freaking time. And it's not like little flutters either. It's full on karate kicks!

Baby shower planning has commenced. My mom and my Grandmother are hosting the shower, but I am doing the planning! I just am too much of a manic planner. I love to plan. Shower will be on July 16th! Just around the corner! I still can't believe this. We ordered the bedding too! Slowly but surely the nursery is coming together.

My hip/pelvic pain has subsided, but it still gives me trouble. I am just not in excruciating pain anymore. It's tolerable now.

I think that pretty much covers all the main things. I'm sure I'm leaving out a heap of stuff, but it's 2 AM, I am tired, but Little Miss here is just jumping away on her in-womb trampoline AKA my bladder! I have a ton of pics to upload. I'll get around to it sometime! Thanks for sticking with me ya'll!!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Rough few weeks

Nothing major to update on.

I've been dealing with crippling hip/pelvic pain. Most days, it's a struggle just to make it out of bed. Once I get going, it eases up a little, but not much. If I sit down for more than 5 minutes, it takes me about 10 minutes to get up again.

I also went on a lovely little trip yesterday.....Down the stairs. All thanks to this wonderful pain. I'm fine, and baby is fine. I went down on my back. I was carrying the laundry basket down (which I'm not supposed to be doing anyway *glares at J*) and because of my pain my legs just gave out and down I went. I called my OB right away and he said just to lie down the rest of the day and if I felt any cramping or lack of movement at all, go right to L&D. But she was wiggling away the whole night so I wasn't worried.

We got the crib set up! It looks amazing! I have a picture but am far too lazy at the moment to post it. Soon though, soon!

This is going to be TMI but I am ready to chop my boobs off. My nipples are SO insanely itchy they are actually raw! It only ever gets that way at night, dont ask me why. But it is seriously annoying.

I think that is everything for now. Sorry it wasn't more interesting but no news is good news I guess..

OH! That reminds me...No gestational diabetes! YAY!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Good news all around!

Today was my 20 week anatomy scan! I had been waiting for this for day forever!

I am so glad we didn't wait to find out the gender today, because she was being SO stubborn and not showing us the goods for a long while! When she finally did, it wasn't a great shot. But the tech 100% agreed all girl!

When I first lied down on the table and the tech started prodding me with the wand, I started feeling these hard taps right near my belly button. I pointed to the spot on my belly and asked the tech what part of the baby was there. Sure enough, it was her little feet! Kicking away at me! Every time I would watch her kick on the screen, I would feel it on my belly! Such a sweet moment for us.

In short, everything looked perfect! The only measurement they could not get was the spine. She did not want to flip over today! Funny, how at my elective ultrasound all she wanted to show was her spine!

I have to go back in 4 weeks to get the spine measurement. And then in 5 weeks I need to have a Fetal Echo done because I was born with a heart murmur, and they want to keep an eye on her for that. Then after that, I go every 6 weeks for an ultrasound. Those Placental Lakes they found at the NT scan don't look like they will be clearing up. So they need to keep a close watch to make sure Mackenzie is gaining weight properly and her growth isn't being hindered by the lakes.

She was measuring in at 19 weeks exactly, and 10 oz. I should be 19 weeks 5 days but they said she will probably just be a very small baby, and they will not be changing my due date. At my OB appointment on Monday they said my uterus was measuring 20 weeks exactly, so I am still right on track!

We finally ordered and received her crib!!! J will be putting it together tonight and I am so ridiculously excited for this! It makes it all feel very real now. I can't wait to order her bedding and make it look like an actual nursery in there!

Here are just a few pictures from today!

The profile shot

She started sucking her thumb! Another sweet moment captured!

And her little feet!!! I just hope they don't stink like her Daddy!!!!

Friday, April 29, 2011

18 Weeks!

How Far Along: 18 weeks

How Big is The Baby: The size of a sweet potato! (5.6 inches and 6.7 oz)

Total Weight Gain: Not sure yet. I have a feeling I have probably packed on a couple more #'s!

Maternity Clothes: Always in Maternity pants, can still wear most regular shirts, but they are starting to get short!

Stretch Marks: No new ones

Sleep: I have good days and bad days. Lately they have been in between. I usually have to take a Unisom to get to sleep, but then the Unisom makes my RLS go CRAZY. So it's a catch 22.

Movement: All.The.Time. Mostly when I am sitting or lying down. Still no full on kicks yet, but the movements are getting much stronger...Won't be long!

Food Cravings: Anything and everything bad for me. I really wish it wasn't that way! In the begining I was craving fruits and veggies! What happened!?

What I Miss: Alcohol...Does this make me a bad mother? LOL! We had a group of friends over the other night and while they all enjoyed their cocktails I sat there sipping my ice water. Party pooper! Well worth it though!

What I’m Looking Forward To: Bigger belly, Getting the nursery all set up, J seeing/feeling her kick.

Milestones: Just being where I am.

18 week baby belly!

Friday, April 22, 2011

Sweetest moment of my life thus far

I am so in love with my daughter. I've always heard people say "How can you love someone so much you have never even met?" and I never really understood it myself. But now I do. Words can not describe.

Mackenzie is going to grow up to be a cheerleader or a gymnast. She would NOT stop moving around!!!! The tech even had trouble getting her hearbeat clearly because she kept moving away! She finally got it though.

She is just like her Mama, and her daddy. Stubborn as anything!! The little stinker turned her back to us JUST as we went into 4D mode for a face shot! And she stayed that way until the very last 60 seconds of the 10 minute ultrasound!

The cutest part about it, was at one point, she flipped over onto her belly and started trying to do a somersault!! She would push off with her legs and her little hiney would go way up! So adorable!

Instead of just posting pictures, I'll post the video for your viewing pleasure! There are 4 of them. One of the heartbeat, and 3 parts to the Ultrasound!!

Monday, April 18, 2011

Early Announcement!

After a trip to L&D (everything is just fine!) we got confirmation of the gender. I just ask that no one says anything on facebook quite yet, as J wants me to wait until Thursday to tell...But what he doesn't know won't hurt him, right? ;)

J and I have a.........................................

DAUGHTER!!!!!!! We are having a beautiful little girl!!!!

Little Miss Mackenzie Paige is already so loved by so many people. She is our whole world, and I am so excited to watch her grow!!!

Friday, April 15, 2011

16 weeks! 5 months to go!

How Far Along: 16 weeks (4 months)

How Big is The Baby: The size of an avocado (about 4.6 inches and 3.5 oz)

Total Weight Gain: 3 lbs! With a big ol baby belly!

Maternity Clothes: Always in Maternity pants, can still wear most regular shirts.

Stretch Marks: No new ones

Sleep: I have good days and bad days. Lately they have been in between. I usually have to take a Unisom to get to sleep, but then the Unisom makes my RLS go CRAZY. So it's a catch 22.

Movement: All the time! Mostly at night. movements are getting stronger too. At first it was just flutters, but as of last night, it was MUCH stronger. More like a "rolling". It made me gasp!

Food Cravings: Pickles!! And just random things here and there. If I see something or smell something, I'll HAVE to have it.

What I Miss: A nice glass of white wine. Especially in this nice weather. I used to love sitting out on the deck with a nice cold glass of wine, just enjoying the breeze.

What I’m Looking Forward To: April 21st when we can announce the gender officially!! Also, J being able to see/feel the baby move and kick!

Milestones: Making it into the 2nd trimester, hearing the heartbeat through the doppler (157!), Feeling the baby move!!

And just for shits and giggles, a comparison of me at 5 weeks, and then at 14 weeks. Just to show how much my belly has grown!!!

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Tuesday, April 5, 2011

We know!

After an unexpected trip to the ER on Sunday night (thank you kidney stone # 3!! ug) we now know the gender of our little one!!!!

And I'm not telling!

Before they diagnosed my pain as a kidney stone, they did an U/S to check on baby. I had the most awesome tech in the world. Normally, they won't let you see or tell you anything with an emergency u/s. But she let us watch the whole thing! Baby was moving around and wiggling like crazy, as usual. I asked for a peek between the legs, and we got it! It looked pretty clear cut and obvious to me but the tech said we should still go to our 3D appointment on the 21st for confirmation! I don't see it changing though =)

So now I can call the baby by it's name! Such a wonderful feeling!! Let the shopping begin!!

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Wednesday, March 30, 2011

April 21st!

The day we will find out FOR SURE, if we are having a little Mackenzie Paige, or a little Landon Forrest!

My OB doesn't know me very well. He was going to make me wait until May 11th to find out the gender! BAH! Are you kidding? By the time I was 14, I was already picking out the car I was going to drive when I got my license. He really thought I could wait 2 whole months to find out??

So I took it upon myself to research some private ultrasound companies who do early gender scans! Unfortunately, there aren't any places really close by. So we will have to travel about an hour away, but it will be well worth it! We'll get a 15 minutes session, 4 photos, gender determination, and a DVD of it all to take home! That will be so nice to have. 10 years from now I can show my son or daughter what they looked like when they were inside of me! And the greatest part of all of this is that if for some reason, baby is uncooperative, we get to come back at no extra cost! The appointment is set for April 21st, and I'll be 16 weeks and 6 days!

It will be so nice knowing for sure what we are having. Then the fun can really start!

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Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Nuchal Translucency Scan!

Today could not have gone more perfectly!

Everything looked awesome. No markers for Downs Syndrome, or Trisomy 18. Will get my bloodwork back in about a week but the Dr. said she would see no reason for it to come back abnormal.

Baby was SO active today. At first, he/she was asleep, and it scared me. But then the tech got the heartbeat and I got to hear it for the first time. Strong, and loud and 157 bpm! After a few pokes and prods, and me laughing, baby woke up and would NOT sit still for anything!!

It took the tech about 45 minutes to finally get the measurement she needed for the neck. But I didn't mind. It meant I got to look at my child longer! Baby also kept "hiccuping" too cute!

The only slight abnormality they found was that I have Placental Lakes. Basically it just means my placenta has a few pockets of blood in it. It's nothing to worry about and the Dr said it usually clears up by 22 weeks. They want to keep an eye on it though because it could mean not enough blood is getting to the baby, and could hinder growth. Very unlikely though as they check my blood flow and it was perfect, and baby was measuring right on target!

The tech really didn't want to take a sneak peak between the legs. But as she was taking measurements, baby was positioned just right and I caught a glimpse....It looks like were having a.......Not gonna tell! HAHA!

We got some awesome pictures, which I will post soon. Next appointment is April 11th...J's birthday!! And we go for our BIG anatomy scan on May 11th...Seems so far away...Maybe I will look into a private scan for an early gender scan!!

And here they are! We made one beautiful baby!

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Monday, March 14, 2011

11 weeks and 3 days

I am so glad today is over. Not because it wasn't a great day, but I am so happy to finally be able to relax!

I had my 3rd appointment today! I have been so nervous up until now because I hadn't seen the baby since 7 weeks. I know far too much about pregnancy, and I know what can happen in those short 4 weeks, even after a heartbeat is detected. I kept having these horrible fears that the Dr. would tell me there was no heartbeat and the baby had stopped growing weeks ago.

Thankfully, it was the exact opposite!

We couldn't hear the heartbeat on the doppler, as it's a little too early yet. So they brought in their ANCIENT sonogram machine. I was holding my breath the entire time. They fired it up and right away I saw the baby, and how big he/she had gotten!! Phew..okay, so at least the baby had grown! And then I saw the heartbeat! Nice and strong at 160 BPM. Thank you God!! Right after I saw the heartbeat, the most amazing thing happened. The Dr. moved the wand around and the picture became a bit more clear. I was able to see the baby's tiny little arms....reach out and stretch and wave to me!! AH! I started to laugh (and cry) and as I laughed, the baby would jump and move around some more. The dr. said "Look! he's saying Hi Mommy!" I of course lost it and cried such happy tears.

That was such an amazing experience. I wish I could have taken a video with my phone but everything happen so fast. I'm measuring exactly right, to the day. So 11 weeks and 3 days with a due date of September 30th! Everything looks great!

I can't believe this is really happening. I mean, I know I'm not 100% out of the words...but the chances now of something happening are less than 1%. I certainly have an angel or 2 watching over us...I know just who they are! Daddy...Your grandbaby will grow up knowing what a wonderful and special Pop-pop they had. Even though they can't see you, they will know that you have and will always be there to watch over them. Thank you for this wonderful blessing!

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Thursday, March 3, 2011

Buddah Belly

I seriously look like I'm 6 months pregnant. I don't know wheather to love it, or hate it! I'm only 10 weeks!

I've always heard bigger girls take a longer time to show, but I don't know how much I believe this anymore. I really think we show faster. I mean, we already have a bit of a belly, it probably just starts rounding out and hardening a little faster!

Strangers are starting to ask me when I'm due and I sometimes feel inclined to lie a little and say June or something sooner since I obviously look further along then I am. But it's not like I can help how fast my belly grows!!!

I'm starting to wonder if there is a hidden twin in there!! I mean, I'm showing rather quickly, my HCG levels were extremely high for how far along I was...Hmmm...Maybe the sonogram just couldn't pick up on the other baby since it was such a crappy machine. OH LORD. J would pass out. I would pass out. My mom would be thrilled. She is CONVINCED it's twins. Who knows!!!

All I know is that I am 10 weeks pregnant, I look pregnant, I definitely feel pregnant, and It's all starting to feel very real now.

Oh lord, here come the tears.....

I'm finally a mom.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

I has a belly.

So weird. I honestly didn't think I would be showing this soon. I can't decide yet if this is a good or bad thing! I thought being already overweight, I wouldn't show and actually look pregnant until I was at least 16-20 weeks. Oh but how wrong I was. I am not even 10 weeks yet and already my belly is hard and protruding. J keeps rubbing it and saying "how's my little man doing in there?" Yes we are convinced it is a boy! However, if it turns out to be a girl, we will be just as thrilled!

Not much else to report. Things have been pretty uneventful since that last scare. My symtpoms have calmed down a lot. I still have waves of nausea here and there, but nothing like I was getting. I do however, have a constant dry mouth and throat, which makes me super gaggy. I always have to be chewing on gum or have a sucking candy in my mouth or else it is gagville for me. It's especially unpleasent when I wake up in the middle of the night gagging and have to scramble for a mint or something.

I finally broke down and got a body pillow to help me sleep. Oh my lord it has helped so much!!! Although some nights not even the body pillow helps with how uncomfortable I am. But that just comes with the territory I guess!

Wish I had more news for ya'll! But no news is good news right?? Next appointment is on March 14th and I'll be a little over 11 weeks!! Woot! That will mean one more week until my chance of miscarriage goes down to less than 1%!!!!!!!!!!!! Praise God!

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Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Hug your babies

Tonight I write this blog with such a heavy heart. I feel very blessed to be able to say that everything with me and my baby are just fine. But not everyone can say that. For one family, that is so far from the truth.

If you reading this right now, please take the time to go over to and please leave your thoughts and prayers for this family in their time of need.

Last Thursday, their 4 month old little girl went home to God. I won't share the details, because it's not my place. It's such a personal thing. All I can say is that my heart hurts for this family. And all the kind words in the world just don't seem to do it justice.

We spend 9 months worrying and agonizing over bringing our children into this world healthy and happy. We never really stop to think about what happens after that. We worrying all through the first 12 weeks of pregnancy. After that we are under this illusion that nothing bad could happen after that, especially after we bring them into this world. This is such an eye opener. You really can't take anyone, or any day for granted.

So hug your babies today. Wheather they are 4 months, or 40 years. Hug your babies.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Our Little Valentine!

What I thought was sure to be a disastrous Valentines day, turned out to be one of the best days of my life.

Around 3:30 that morning, I woke up to pee as usual. Nothing out of the ordinary there. However, when I wiped, I checked the tp, as I always do....And there was a tiny, tiny blood clot. AH. I instantly burst into tears and ran into the bedroom to wake up J. Poor guy was so tired, I don't even think he remembers me doing that.

I didn't sleep the rest of the night, and watched the clock waiting for 8:30 to roll around to call my OB. There was no use in going to the ER and waiting around for hours...If I was having a miscarriage, there would be nothing they could do. I periodically went to the bathroom to keep checking for blood, and sure enough, I was having TONS of EWCM (egg white cervical mucus for you non TTC types) that was tinged pink. I was sure this was the beginning of the end. I was beside myself.

Finally 8:30 came as I phoned the OB. They told me to come in right away and they would squeeze me in between appointments. J and I hopped in the truck and off we went. We held hands the whole way, and I just closed my eyes and prayed.

Long story short...We got there and didn't have to wait very long before they took me back. They did a urine test and said it did pick up some blood in my urine. That freaked me out. Finally the Dr. came in and started his exam.

The first thing he said was that my uterus felt "nice and big like it should be for a growing uterus". Then he did the sonogram.

The machines they have in my OB office are really outdated, so the quality isn't real great. At first, all I could see was the Sac. I could see no sign of a baby. Instantly my mind went to Blighted Ovum. I was sure that is what he was going to say. But after fishing around in there for a few minutes he said "And right here is the heartbeat!" I was like HUH!?! Heartbeat?? I don't even see a baby!! But sure enough...He zoomed in a little and there it was....A tiny little blob with a fast little flicker right in the middle. He said the heartbeat was between 160-170 BPM and I was measuring at 7 weeks and 3 days!! I was in awe. I couldn't believe I was watching my child's heart beat inside of me. It all became real at that point.

Basically the reason for the bleeding was sometimes the cervix can get irritated and the blood can build up overnight and come out in a clot. Nothing to worry about. He did put me on Prometrium supplements though...Just in case. It never hurts to have a little extra help from the hormones! He also said that having so much EWCM is good! It was my mucus plug building up and sometimes, chunks of it can come off, but at this point, it regenerates itself.

So for now I am limited in what I can do. No exercise period. No walking up and down a lot of stairs, no lifting over 10 lbs, and Pelvic rest for 2-3 weeks. But hey, I will take it!!! Definitely worth getting to see my child.

J couldn't have been more proud. He just thought it was the coolest thing to see that heartbeat. It really was. I keep replaying it over and over again in my mind. I wish we had recorded it or something!

Next appointment is March 14th, provided I have no more problems! Hopefully next time, I can get some better pictures on a better machine...But for now....Introducing our little Valentine!!!!

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Friday, February 11, 2011

Lots to update on!

What a week this has been! I've hardly even had the energy to log on, let alone update this thing.

Last Saturday was scary. J failed to remember that he had class on Saturday morning at 9 am. He thought he didn't go in until 5. God really does work in mysterious ways, because it's a good thing he didn't go to class. I ended up waking up to some bleeding and bad cramping. Of course, we both freaked and rushed off to the ER.

After being stuck with an IV by an incompetent nurse who couldn't seem to find my very clearly there veins, and having 10 vials of blood drawn (I actually donated 2 vials to the blood bank) J and I sat there waiting and praying. Finally, and ultrasound tech came in to do an internal.

Now, because it was an emergency ultrasound, I wasn't allowed to see anything or be told anything. I HATE this rule. I think it's stupid. If you see it for yourself, or if the DR. tells you some bad news, it's heartbreaking either way. Why make the patient suffer if there is nothing but good news to report?!

However, the Tech we had was WONDERFUL. J was sitting in a spot where he could see everything on the screen. I'm sure the tech knew that, but I don't think she cared. She also had the machine positioned where I could sort of see out of the corner of my eye. As she was doing the ultrasound, I looked over at J with tearful big eyes and gave him a look like "is there anything there??? Is there a sac?!" He looked at me with this big smile and nodded. I instantly felt relieved. At least there was a sac. I had mentioned to the tech that I was terrified of an ectopic pregnancy. So she said "Well, I can tell you this much....It's definitely in the uterus! No worries about an ectopic!" Sigh of relief number 2.

After that was finished and the tech left, I asked J if he saw the baby. He said he couldn't really see anything but the sac. Except at one point he said he saw a quick little blob flash on the screen toward the side of the sac. This had me worried a little bit...Like it could be a blighted ovum, which is something I have suffered before.

Finally, after about another hour, the Dr. came back in. I was terrified. He said my beta levels came back at 21,000!!! That was excellent!!! It was up from 1500 exactly 1 week prior. He also said the radiology report came back saying the ultrasound showed a 5 and a half week intrauterine pregnancy. It was bittersweet news. I thought I was 6 weeks and 1 day. It's not a huge difference though, so I wasn't worried too much. I also got to thinking, they MUST have seen a baby then. If there was no sign of an embryo or yolk sac or anything, the report would have mentioned something about that. I asked the Dr. a couple of questions, which he really couldn't answer because he only knew what the report told him. Stupid me didn't even think to ask to speak to the radiologist who read the ultrasound. That probably would have quelled a lot of fears. Hindsight is 20/20. He diagnosed this as a "threatened miscarriage" which really just means "You're bleeding, so we have to warn you". But he didn't think I really was in any danger based on my betas. He put me on bed and pelvic rest for a week.

Ever since then I have continued to have brown spotting, but no cramping aside from little twinges here and there. My OB said not to worry about any brown spotting, it was just old blood from my cervix probably being irritated somehow.

Morning sickness has not been kind to me. After barely eating or being able to keep anything down, I finally had my OB call in a script for Zofran. What a freaking God send that stuff is! And it doesn't make me drowsy unlike the Phenergan! My appetite has since returned since taking the zofran!

I have my next appointment on the 18th!! I am SO psyched for this!! I'll finally get my dating ultrasound to find out exactly how far along I am. If I go by what the hospital told me, I should be 7 weeks and 2 or 3 days. So we should definitely be able to see/hear a heartbeat!! I'm terrified at the same time. So terrified of being told the baby is still only measuring at 5 and a half weeks and that the pregnancy isn't progressing. Friday will tell the tale!

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Friday, February 4, 2011

6 Weeks!

Yes, I have gone back in time! According to my more accurate calculations I am exactly 6 weeks today! This could also change though. I go in for my dating scan on the 18th! Woohoo!

How Far Along: 6 weeks

How Big is The Baby: The size of a sweetpea! Awww this just might be the new nickname =)

Total Weight Gain: Nothing yet.

Maternity Clothes: Not yet, but it's coming. My pants are already getting tighter because of the bloat

Stretch Marks: None besides the ones I already have

Sleep: AWFUL! Couldn't be worse. I don't sleep at all at night because of my Restless Leg Syndrome. I have had it since I was a little girl, but it's never bothered me THIS much until now. Usually the creepy crawly feeling will go away, but I've had it for the last 8 hours or so, and I can't sleep.

Movement: You mean besides gas?!

Food Cravings: No cravings, but still getting aversions.

What I Miss: Sleeping =(, I am no longer able to sleep on my stomach because of the bloat.

What I’m Looking Forward To: My first real ultrasound, hearing the heartbeat, growing a belly.

Milestones: My betas obviously! And morning sickness has officially started. BLECH!

Not much else to report folks. I go in for my next appointment on the 18th, and I'll get an ultrasound! I am trying to think positive thoughts, But I just have this nagging feeling something is going to go wrong. I am just psyching myself out, I'm sure. I'm sure everything will be fine! 2 more weeks!

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Monday, January 31, 2011

Second Beta

Well, there is not much else to say except that I needed at least 1200 to be considered "doubling every 48 hours." Well, I didn't get 1200.

I got 15 freaking 00!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1500!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GAH!

The NP said "That is absolutely perfect and congratulations on a healthy pregnancy!" I of course, started bawling.

I feel so blessed to even have made it this far.

Grow my little butterfly, grow!!

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Friday, January 28, 2011


Today has been one hell of an emotional rollercoaster. This whole pregnancy has, and I'm only 5 weeks!

This morning I went in for my second beta. When I got there, I asked the receptionist for my results of the first. She looked it up and says "Your first one came back a 6." This baffled me. A FREAKING 6? What the heck does that even mean. One of the nurses came over and explained that it was in the "normal range" but a lower number could mean an ectopic pregnancy, and to wait until Monday to see if the numbers doubled.

Needless to say I spent the rest of the day sobbing, cursing, and sleeping away the pain. I was convinced I had already, or was about to lose this baby.

5:30- My phone rings. It's the sweet NP who did my exam on me. She apologized for not being able to speak with me when I was there, things were hectic and she was running around like crazy. She also apologized for the way the nurse had explained things to me. She said she has walked by while she was explaining and saw the sheer look of terror on my face. Turns out...That pesky little 6? That was the result for the qualitative test. That's just to check if I am pregnant. Anything above a 4 is pregnant! She then went on to explain that my ACTUAL beta level was.............


AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I started bawling right on the phone and asked if that was good. Her exact words? "That's an excellent number and exactly where you should be for being about 5 weeks pregnant! As long as we hit close to 1200 on Monday, we are Golden!"

I sobbed with relief. I was so happy that she had gone out of her way to call me, FROM HER HOME, because she realized how worried I must have been.

She also explained that the more than likely reason we saw nothing at the ultrasound on Wednesday was because for anything, even a gestational sac to show up, your HCG level needs to be at least 1000. So by the time I go for my next appointment (2/23) we should see a little baby and a heartbeat!!

So today has been like a trip to Hershey Park...Only without the yummy chocolate. I'll be so glad when I am out of the first trimester! But I am still pregnant, and my numbers say baby is healthy! Praise God!

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Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Scary Appointment

Well today was much more scary then I had anticipated. OY what a day.

First of all...It started snowing around 3 am. J got called out to go work around 4 so I was devastated thinking he wasn't going to be able to make it to the appointment...If my appointment was even still on. For all I knew, they could close down the office for snow!

But thankfully, J was able to take time off to take me, and the office remained opened.

They did a urine test. Positive, of course. They asked me a bazillion questions. They asked me how I was feeling. They did a pelvix exam and the dr said my cervix "feels very pregnant and long, just like it should be!" phew.

On to the scary part. The ultrasound. They did an internal, and being 6 weeks, I was fully expecting to see a sac with a tiny little speck in it. Nope. Nothing. Not even a sac. The most horrible words I heard were "I'm not seeing any sign of pregnancy from this ultrasound." WHAT?!?!?!! You mean my fears came true??!? Every single effing test I took was a false positive and I'm not really pregnant?!?!? I wanted to die.

So she suggested that I have a beta draw done today, and friday to see if my numbers are rising. If they are, it could mean 1 of 2 things. 1- I'm not quite as far along as I thought, and it may just be too early to see anything. Or 2- Ectopic pregnancy. Now, if the numbers don't rise and double...basically it means impending miscarriage or I have already miscarried. However....The Dr said she really truly believes it is just too early, what with my PCOS making me have irregular cycles and all. She is highly doubtful of an ectopic since the cramps I have been experiencing are not painful, and I have no bleeding whatsoever. She also said that my uterine lining was VERY thick, indicating that it is getting ready to "create a nest" for baby. She was very reassuring of the fact that it was just too soon. Of course, I didn't believe this.

I sobbed the whole way home. I was, and still partially am convinced that all of this was too good to be true and I will lose this baby, if I haven't already. But...A couple of my friends who have had kids told me they went through this same thing. Saw nothing early on, not even a sac, then a few weeks later, BAM! There was baby! So I am still hopeful that this could work out!

I'll go back in on Friday for my second beta. Then as long as the numbers look good, in a few weeks to a month, I'll get another U/S done to see if there is anything there. Please God, let there be something there.

So for now, I'm still pregnant, still worried sick. This is going to be a loooong few weeks.

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Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Like a kid at Christmas

You know how when you were little, and it was the night before your birthday, or Christmas, or the first day of school, and you couldn't sleep?? Yeah, that is totally me right now.

Tomorrow is my first prenatal visit! It was scheduled for Thursday but we are about to get a big snow storm and I wanted to get in before it hit! So I go in at 9 am!

I'm so excited I could jump up and down, and so nervous, I could throw up. A million things could go wrong tomorrow. My whole world could come crashing down again...I have never had a successful first appointment. The cramping I have been experiencing doesn't help. All my mind is swirling around is Ectopic Pregnancy

Today I started getting tiny little sharp pains on my left side, that kinda started going into my back too. The pain wasn't bad at all. More an annoyance then an actual pain really. But the fact that it was concentrated on one side has me TERRIFIED. The shred of hope is that I am extremely gassy tonight and can feel the gas bubbles moving in my tummy. So I am thinking maybe what I am feeling is some kind of gas pain. I pray it is.

J, like his Grandmother, gets these feelings of when something big is about to happen. Both he, and his Grandmother, knew I was pregnant before I did. J kept telling me to take a test. And when we called to tell his Grandmother, she answered with an excited "Oh, I know! I've already told you Grandfather!" But they also get these feelings when something terrible is about to happen. Maybe J is just trying to calm me, but he says he is getting nothing but good feelings about tomorrow. I also had a dream the other night that we got an U/S and everything looked beautiful and perfect. Oh lord, if that is the case tomorrow I will be so thankful, I don't even know what I'll do.

As far as symptoms go, I have them a-plenty! And dark tests too! Yes, I am crazy test lady who has taken several tests every single day since I first found out, just to make sure they are still positive. This mornings was the darkest yet! Very reassuring. New symptoms: itchy nipples!! Yikes! That hit me whilst perusing the baby aisle at Target. I am finally getting the exhaustion that all pregnant women complain about. Although, it would be nice if it could hit me right now when I need to sleep, instead of during the day!

So that is basically it! I doubt I will sleep tonight. I am praying to the good lord that everything looks good tomorrow. I have wanted this for so long, and everyone is SO happy for us. Please God, let us see a healthy baby tomorrow.

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Sunday, January 23, 2011

5 weeks

How Far Along: 5 weeks and 3 days

How Big is The Baby: The size of an Appleseed!

Total Weight Gain: I've lost 5 lbs. Due to having surgery on my mouth and being sick

Maternity Clothes: Not yet, can't wait!

Stretch Marks: None besides the ones I already have

Sleep: Tired during the day. I end up conking out about 9 or 10 at night but am always woken up around 3 with back pain and having to pee. I can never get back to sleep till around 6 or 7

Movement: Too early, wish it wasn't so I could have some reassurance

Food Cravings: Nothing really, but I am having aversions

What I Miss: Sleeping through the night, but I guess I'll have to get used to that!

What I’m Looking Forward To: Hearing the heartbeat (Hopefully on Thursday!), watching my belly grown, finding out the gender, meeting my son or daughter.

Milestones: Getting to 5 weeks and 3 days. Assuming everything looks good on Thursday, this will officially be the longest I have ever been pregnant!

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Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Ooooh BABY!

Well folks....It's 4 am on Wednesday January 19th 2011. I am sitting here next to 3 pregnancy tests. 1 First response, 1 dollar store, and 1 digital. And looking at it, I see 4 lines and one "pregnant"! J AND I ARE UNEXPECTEDLY EXPECTING!!!!!!!!! I had to wait to make this blog public until we told some people close to us who read this!

Completely shocked, but excited are we!

I had an inkling I might be pregnant. My period was late (which really isnt unusual because of the PCOS) my boobs were so sore I couldn't wear a bra half the time, and I had been getting this strange fluttering and jumping in my uterus area. So I took a test. Now, I was wary at first because I picked up the test from the dollar store and it came with 2 tests. The first one I took, I guess I pee'd on too much or too little because it was inconclusive. No control line showed up. The second one I took around 9 at night after holding my pee, and got a strong positive! I wasn't sure though....I mean...the first test had been faulty...Maybe this one was as well?

So I went to sleep, woke up at 2:30 am with back pain and having to pee really bad (another sign...I have NEVER had to wake up in the middle of the night to pee) so I decided I needed to know FOR SURE. I Went to the 24 hour store up the road and bought a first response, and a digital. I took the first response first....hmmm..... no line was showing up...Yep, I knew it...Test was faulty. But I took the digital too just in case... By the time I had peed on that stick, I looked back at the FR and there was a light line! Noticeable, but light! Then I looked back at the digital and saw the word "Pregnant" I nearly fainted!!!

J is nervous but excited. As am I. This isnt something we were planning for right now, but possibly a year or so down the road. But, it was in God's plan for us to be parents now! I'm hoping and praying this is a sticky little butterfly (We are calling the baby butterfly because of all the fluttering it's causing in my uterus!) and that we do not have to go through another horrible miscarriage. But, I have a good feeling about this. I *feel* pregnant, where as last time, I did not.

I have wanted and prayed for this for so long...Maybe not right at this very moment, but I have prayed to God to one day bless me with a child. And God listened. We are over the moon excited!

And for those of you who are friends with us on facebook...Please refrain from saying anything just yet. We haven't told everyone in the family yet as we are waiting until after the appointment which is on Thursday the 27th!

Will post details on Drs. Appointments and such when I get them! I can't believe I am saying this, but...This is now a Pregnancy blog. GAHHHH! Praise God!

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Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Fool me once....

I have this pesky little problem. I seem to give people too many chances, and it ends up hurting me big time. It's happened with family, friends, past relationships. I just never seem to learn my lesson. J says it's because I have a big heart....And a small brain (teehee!) I don't know. I just know that I am through being taken advantage of.

My best friend and I have been best friends since we were in middle school. We went through everything together. In high school, she started dating a guy who didn't particularly like me, for what reason I don't know. I guess he didn't like any of my friend's friends because he forced her to shut them out of her life, and spend all of her time with him. Now, I'm not going to lie and say I wasn't a little bit guilty of doing this. I did the same thing with my ex. Not to that extreme though. I spent a substantially less amount of time with my friends, but still made time for them. He also cheated on her, emotionally and physically abused her...And was just not a good guy. And everyone knew it. Even her parents who begged her to stray away from him.

Eventually, she and I lost contact. I moved to Florida in 2007 and we didn't talk for a little over a year. Well, that's also a lie...Being the kind of friend I am...Even though she couldn't bother with me, I still made sure to call her and wish her a happy birthday...To which I got a "Thanks. Gotta go, with Jordan!" But after that, Nothing. Until one day my phone rang. "Hiiiii Ashley! It's me! Me and Jordan broke up. Booo hooo I'm so sad. I miss you, Oh, you're moving back to Maryland? Yay! We can hang out again!" And we did. For a few months things were just like they used to be. "We was like peeeeas and carrots Amanda and me!"

And then....She gave in and decided to get back together with her scumbag of an ex. Her phone calls became less and less. She started making up excuses to not hang out. One of my favorites was "Oh...Yeah...I can't hang out tonight....My mom's out and I have to stay home the cat." That one was a gem! And then after a few weeks, I stopped hearing from her all together. I moved on with my life, and without even telling her, moved back to Florida. Are you seeing a patern here?

6 months later, she finds me on facebook. She and the ex had broken up again (again...are you seeing a pattern) I was wary, but was in such a bad place emotionally with just breaking up with my boyfriend of 7 years and fixin to move back to Maryland again. I was happy to have my "best friend" back in my life.

When I moved home, she and I moved into my house together and were roomates. And shortly after, I met J. She HATED it. She hated that I was spending time with him, and not her 24/7. She tried her hardest to get me to break up with him. She wanted me all to herself. But eventually, she accepted that I had a boyfriend now, and even though I still made plenty of time for her, I was going to spend time with J too. She moved out, J moved in, and then she started dating her boyfriend.

Things were okay for a while. But then the calls became less again, the excuses came back (thankfully none as stupid as the cat) and before I knew it, I would go months without talking to her.

One night about a week ago, she called me up hysterically crying. I couldn't even understand what she was saying. I thought maybe someone had died or been in an accident so again, being the type of friend I am, I was really concerned. Turns out she and her boyfriend had just had a fight and she thought they were going to break up. She was going on and on about how much he treats her like crap and how sick of it she was. Drama queen. I gave her some friendly advice and she asked me if I wanted to go out to lunch with her tomorrow. I said sure, it was a good idea because she and I had a lot of stuff to talk about regarding our relationship. I was going to make sure if she was going to be back in my life, it was going to be for good. The next day I get a text asking if we could reschedule to the next day. Sure no problem. And of course, the next day I get a text saying "Sorry, going to have to reschedule again. I'll let you know when." Of course I never heard from her.

Well, tonight was the nail in the coffin. I decided to give it one last shot. It's been snowing buckets here and J will be out plowing all night. So I texted her and asked her if she would like to come over tonight and watch some movies, like the good old days. All I got back was "I'm with Chris." Well, I basically lost it on her and told her where to go. No more chances.

Honestly...I don't think she even cares. I know she doesn't because she had her immature boyfriend texting for her. Which tells me she never cared about our friendship period. And it speaks a lot about her character. I'm still so angry about it. I could say so many things about her, and believe you me, I really REALLY want to. There are things I know about her that her parents don't know. But I am taking the high road. She is an insignificant flea. And I am done. I have too many other sweet and caring friends out there, I won't waste my time on her anymore.

So Amanda...If you're reading this, I sincerely hope you are happy with what you have done with our relationship. All the times I went out of my way to be there for you, and you never even gave me a second thought. I wish you a lot of luck in adulthood, because you're going to need it. Maybe when you learn how to cook a meal, and do something besides stare at yourself in the mirror and talk about how beautiful you are and how men always hit on you, then you can call yourself an adult. Just remember...There was a time when even Chris couldn't stand you because of the way you acted. When the shit hits the fan, you're on your own now babe!

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Sunday, January 9, 2011

Who says you can't go home?

As far as weight loss goes...I've been very naughty this weekend. In my defense, I was on vacation and J and I dined out all weekend.

We went to Philadelphia for the weekend, where I grew up. I have been wanting to get back there and see my old house, and visit with some of my old neighbors. It was important to me for J to see where I grew up and had the most amazing childhood!

We left here around 10 am Friday morning. We stopped and got some drinks and snacks for the almost 3 hour trip....First diet no-no of the weekend. We arrived in my hometown about 1 pm and had lunch at the most wonderful pizza place, Cenzos. No one, and I mean no one, does pizza like them. J even said it was the best he's ever had! We then made a trip to my old house where I grew up. What a wonderful trip down memory lane

I knocked on the door, and the owners were home and were gracious enough to let us come in and walk through it. They did an tremendous amount of work to it and it looked FABULOUS! Completely updated and just amazing. I couldn't believe how great it looked!

Then we stopped at a neighbors house. A sweet little old lady named Mrs. Moran. She was so good to me when I was a little girl. She was so happy and excited to see me! She even remembered me even after not having seen me for almost 10 years! And her cat, Mancini, who I remember from when I was a little girl, was still alive and well. I couldnt believe that! We stayed and chatted for almost an hour. I hated leaving her. I wish I could have stayed all day just chatting and filling her in on the last 8 years of my life.

We checked into hotel, took a nap, and then ate dinner at the r

estaurant where my parents met. I was also pretty much raised in this place. When I was an infant, the waitresses used to carry me around with them as they were taking orders. My parents were such regulars in this place, that they always blocked off a booth in the corner for us. No one could sit there but my family. The bartender, who was an older man in his 60's or 70's, loved me like his Grand-daughter. So much so, that I even called him "pop-pop"! They had a banquet facility in the back, with a dance floor and a place for a band. Sometimes, if a band had been playing and left the equipment, My pop-pop would take me over to the microphone, and let me sing for all people in the restaurant. He always called me his "little Shirley Temple", which is why afterward, he would let me sit at the bar, and make me his best Shirley temple drink! I lived for Friday nights when we would go there.

The restaurant has been completely renovated in the last few years. The dance floor and banquet area no longer exist, Pop-pop has since passed away, and

2 of the waitresses that would have known me had just recently retired. There was only one left, but she was off duty that night. It made me sad to see how different it was. But I could still see some of the old place in there still. Ironically, J and I were seated right next to the corner where my parents booth was. That made me smile. I can still picture my daddy and I sharing a Chocolate Mousse Cake after dinner. He always ordered the Prime Rib (which J and I had and it was AMAZING) and I always got the ravioli. Ahhh Memories

Saturday we woke up and there was a freaking blizzard outside! We had plans to go into the city and go through Historic Philadelphia. See Independence Hall, The Liberty Bell, take a horse and carriage ride through the streets. The roads were too bad though. So I spent the day showing him more around my little town...Friends houses and such. We went back by my old house again and to my surprise, 2 of my next door neighbors were out shoveling snow! I had to say hello! I walked up to them and asked if they remembered me....Mr. Hughes looked confused but when I said "It's Ashley from next door!" His face lit up like a Christmas tree! We chatted with them for a while as well.

That night J and I went out to dinner, had a few drinks and just enjoyed getting away for the weekend. Sunday morning we came home!

As much as I loved going back and seeing where I grew up...I missed my home here. I was so happy to see our house. I love my little 2 traffic light town where they roll up the sidewalks at 5 o'clock. I had a wonderful childhood back in Philadelphia....But I have had a wonderful adolescence and adulthood (so far) here in little ol' Thurmont! This is where I want to raise my children and where I want to be buried. This is my home.

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