Friday, March 30, 2012

Things n' Stuff

It figures on the ONE night I can actually get a full nights unbroken sleep, I am WIDE awake.

Mackenzie is staying with her Great-Grandparents tonight. (Thank you, Mini!)It has been a well needed, and MUCH appreciated break for me. They took her at about 9 am Friday morning and will have her until Saturday at some point.

I had ANOTHER kidney stone attack on Wednesday night. I had felt it coming on all day, but thought maybe it was just normal female issue cramping. Nope. Late Wednesday night that familiar AGONIZING pain hit me like a truck. And for the cherry on top, I had used up all my pain meds. Oh hell. There was no way I was dragging myself to the ER. At this point, I've had so many stones that the pain is actually fairly tolerable. I was able to fall asleep and make it through all of Thursday and finally passed the thing. I hate my body.

Kenzie's 6 month check up went well! She is 15 lbs 3 oz. and 24 3/4 inches. They were concerned about her height because at 4 months she was 24 inches exactly. But I told them there must have been an error last time because she has DEFINITELY grown a lot. At 4 months, her feet could not touch the floor in her walker. Now she is a walking fool all over the house! And she has grown out all of her 0-3 month clothes, lengthwise. Still, she goes back on April 24th just to recheck and make sure everything is okay. Developmentally she is "beautiful" as her Dr. put it.

I sold my car tonight!! YIPPPEEE!!!! I was sad to see it go. Lots of memories in that car. We drove to Philadelphia in it (Where Kenzie was conceived) and brought her home from the hospital in it. But I swear it was cursed. Some of you may remember when I bought it. If you don't, read here. Basically I got laid off the day I bought it. And it was all downhill from there. Nothing but problems with the car since I drove it off the lot. The dealership (which is now out of business...What does that tell ya?) saw an opportunity to take advantage of a young girl. And I fell for it. *smacks forehead.* The car had A LOT of issues, so I had to let it got for WELL below KBB value. I still got a decent amount for it though, so I can't complain! Maybe now that the car is gone, my luck will start to turn around in the employment department! It doesn't matter to me either way. I am still looking for work, but I am not stressing over it anymore. J just got a BIG raise and he prefers me to be at home with Mackenzie. And I am really starting to enjoy this whole homemaker thing.

We took Kenzie to see the Easter bunny! The little turd wouldn't smile! But we got kind of a half smile. I'll post that for ya'll to see, as well as one of my FAVORITE pictures of her.

I love this picture! She looks so bashful in it!

Friday, March 23, 2012

Silky vs.Crunchy

It's not often that I do a controversial post like this. Usually if I do, it's about politics (Romney/Gingrich FTW!!!).

Silky and Crunchy are two relatively new terms to me. Crunchy I've known about since I got pregnant with Kenzie. But silky I just learned today. And it made me happy because I never actually knew what "type" of parent to call myself. Not that there should really be a type put to parenting. In all actuality, I feel you're either a good parent, or a lousy one. And these two terms by NO MEANS indicate good or lousy.

Crunchy: Typically "green", home/unmedicated natural birth, NO circumcision, cloth diapering, co-sleeping, home-made organic foods, delayed or NO vaccinations, Homeschooling, NO formula only breast, chemical-free everything, baby wearing, etc etc...

Silky: Hospital/medicated birth, routine circumcisions, Formula feeding, disposable diapers, crib sleeping, vaccinate on schedule, store-bough foods, CIO, etc...

I am a silky mama and I am damn proud of it. Just like a crunchy mom would be proud of what she is doing. But so often, us Silky moms get criticized and made to feel like we are bad parents because in their eyes, we are not doing what is best for our child.

I'm going to tackle a couple of topics that often come up in debates between Silky and Crunchy moms. These are just my personal opinions! My words is not God, so if you are a Crunchy mom and are reading this, you are absolutely free to feel how you want to feel and raise your child how you want! And I also realize that not ALL Crunchy mom feel this way.

Breastfeeding: Crunchy moms feel "breast is best" and if you don't breastfeed you are depriving your child of proper nutrients. I actually agree with this, to an extent. Breast IS best. But not every woman has the means to do so. In my case, I tried breastfeeding. Mackenzie wanted NOTHING to do with my boob. It got to the point where even the Lactation Consultant at the hospital told me to back off and just go for the bottle. After I left the hospital, I continued to try at home. I even tried pumping. I produced NO milk. The most I ever got out after 2 weeks of pumping was 1/2 an oz. Some women produce no milk. Some women have babies who refuse the boob at all costs. Maybe she had a double mastectomy. You don't know. So why look at a woman who is feeding her kid a bottle and automatically assume the worst?

C-sections: Oh my lord. I can't tell you how many times I've watched TV shows like A Baby Story, and One Born Every Minute, and there are women on there who absolutely refuse to have a C-section to the point where the child's life could be in danger. How is THAT good parenting? A person condoning that will tell you "it's selfish of you to just want to get it over with without having to put in the hard work, and it's safer for the child to have a natural birth". Yeah. It's selfish of YOU that you are putting YOUR beliefs before the safety of your child. There is one main goal we are striving towards during labor....Delivery of a HEALTHY baby. What does it matter HOW they come into the world, just as long as they get here at all? Get over it.

Circumcision: This is something I feel very strongly about. Crunchy moms say it's mutilation of the genitals. It's harmful, it's abuse, it hurts them, how could anyone do something sooooo horrible to their precious baby boy? Or that if you are hell-bent on doing it, you should wait until he is old enough to make the decision for himself. Ummmm? OUCH. First of all, they do it as a baby because your baby boy will not remember this. Ever. No matter how hard he tries. Furthermore, the people who seem to be the LOUDEST about their distaste for RIC, are also the ones who have their baby's ears pierced. Go figure. Hygiene is also an issue. Obviously you will teach your Son to pay extra attention down there, but nobody is perfect and it is inevitable that nooks and crannies will be missed allowing bacteria to collect and putting the child at a higher risk for infections. And really? Allowing him to make the choice on his own when he is older? Talk about traumatizing. Now, I don't know...Maybe when they are older the put him under anesthesia or administer a local. But either way, why would you want to remember something like that?

Vaccines: Now this one I will be a little judgey on. People who don't vaccinate piss me off. You don't want to subject your kid to the POSSIBLE and unlikely effects of vaccines, so it's okay for you to put every single person your child comes into contact with at risk for diseases and illnesses that otherwise could have been prevented by getting them vaccinated? It's not just for the child's well being, but for public safety reasons that vaccinations are administered. It's not all about YOU.

Food: The organic thing is cool. If that's what you want to feed your kids, then by all means...Go ahead. Nothing wrong with that. But some people take it too far. I saw someone on a message board I frequent say they took their kid to a birthday party and brought some pineapple chutney for her kid to eat instead of the birthday cake. One of the moms kind of questioned her about it and she handed her a pamphlet on the dangers of red dye # 5. First of all...Who the hell carries around pamphlets on that kind of stuff? And second...It's a piece of cake. Your child is entitled to enjoy a piece of cake now and again. It's not a BFD. It actually pissed me off to read that.

So basically to sum this all up- I just can't stand when parents keep their kids in these little bubbles. And I feel that is what a lot of Crunchy parents do (Again, not ALL). When I was a kid, we got to explore, and be adventurous. We got to eat so much cake that we threw up from too many sweets. And we learned to not do it again. We scraped our knees, we watched cartoons all morning on Saturday's, we ate the super overly-processed frozen kid tv dinners. And we survived. My daughter will too.

So I am proud to say I am a formula feeding, disposable diaper using, whiskey on the gums for teething, vaccinating so YOUR kid doesn't get sick, Silky mama!

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Six and the Single Mom.

I am down 6 lbs since starting Weight Watchers! Yay me!

I've fallen off the bandwagon a few times, I'll be honest. Like tonight when I had a good many cheddar cheese pretzel pieces, and a piece of cheesecake. -_- But I did have a salad for lunch and roasted chicken and veggies for dinner!

I'm not working out right now. I'm just focusing on my eating habits right now. Besides, taking care of a 6 month old all day and all night doesn't leave very much time for working out.

Oh yeah...I'm a single mom now! Sort of. J and I are still together and very much in love. But his job is really taking up all of his time. He's in the landscaping and lawn maintenance business. Usually at the end of March he starts all the landscaping and knocks it out before the grass starts growing and he needs to start cutting. Landscaping is a long and tedious process, and he is AMAZING at what he does so it takes from usually sun up to sun down to complete his route. Well, the weather has been so crazy warm here (like in the 80's!) that the grass started growing weeks ago. So now he has to do everything all at once. He'll pretty much be working from 6 am until 6 pm, seven days a week for the next month to two months. Money will be excellent, but I would rather have my boyfriend (God, I hate that word. It just sounds so juvenile) home with me and our Daughter, then to be swimming in money.

Speaking of the weather...It has been SO gorgeous. I am loving this early spring/summer! Even the Cherry Blossoms have bloomed already! Time to go get me some plants and start digging! I am so looking forward to when Mackenzie is older, and she and I can play in the garden like my mom and I used to do.

Mackenzie will be 6 months old in 2 days! AHHHH!!! How did my little peanut get to be HALF A YEAR OLD already?! She surprises me more and more everyday and is always doing something new and exciting. She has her 6 month check-up on the 26th, so I will be sure to make and update!

That's all for now, folks! Enjoy this beautious weather!!!

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Big Changes Ahead

Something big is about to happen in our little life. Since I have started this blog, what is the one thing I often posted about, and have always wanted to happen but hasn't yet? Let's see...There was the baby thing....And God seemed fit to bless me with a beautiful daughter who I love more then life, so it's not that. But then there is J proposing....Something I have been dreaming about for the last 2 years....And well guys.....It still hasn't happened -_- (times a tickin' hunny!). And then there is that pesky little weight-loss thing that I have talked about oh so much... DING DING DING DING!! There you go!

I started this blog 2 years ago with the intention of using it as a tool to help me lose weight, to beat the condition PCOS, which I was always told would prevent me from ever having a baby. I may not have lost the weight, but I certainly defied the odds! So now it is time to get back to the true meaning of this blog. I spent a good 2 hours last night, going back to the very first post, and reading every single one up until my most recent. I watched the evolution of our life through words. Most of it I am pretty happy with, but there are some things I didn't like seeing. I didn't like seeing how my weight-loss tapered off, eventually ceasing all together. There was a point where I was kicking ass and taking names! I looked good, and I felt even better. And I know the exact moment it all went to hell in a handbasket...When I got laid off from my job right after I purchased a new car.

I was out of work from May-October, and then I got another job. Two months later I was laid off from that position, and then I got pregnant. That is a lot of life changing stuff happening all at once. I didn't know how to handle it. At all. I have felt completely useless since losing that second job. I was bound to my bed for practically my entire pregnancy. I did nothing but what society assumes all housewives do.....Sat on my ass, eating junk and watching Days of our Lives. I only gained 20 lbs total during my pregnancy, but practically all the weight stayed after giving birth.

I have not been the same since having my daughter. Although I never followed up with my OB about it, I 100% know I have been suffering from PPD (Post Partum Depression). Add that on top of already having Depression and Anxiety, and it does not bode well for me. I have been a mess. A MESS. And when I am a mess, I eat. I eat because I am depressed, and I am depressed because I eat. Vicious cycles are fun, aren't they? Can I get off this ride now?

I am going to be completely and utterly honest with all of you, if any, who are reading this. My relationship with J has suffered dramatically because of my issues. There have been points where I have been hard for him to tolerate, because of my Depression. And he being someone who has NEVER seen anyone with Depression before, did not know how to respond. His initial reaction to me getting mad at him for something stupid, is to get mad right back. The first time he saw me have a panic attack, he got angry because he thought I was just being an overly emotional bratty girl. He knows much better now.

There are also physical repercussions to my Depression and weight. Our intimate life is pretty much non-existent right now. And his attraction toward me has suffered. It hurts me to even type that out. It's embarrassing. But I can't really hold it against him. I can't even bare to look at myself in the mirror...How do I expect him to think I look like the Goddess Athena, when I KNOW I don't?

All those issues aside, we still are in love. That is one thing that will never change. And these issues are not something that could ever part us. We don't give up that easily.

I asked earlier, if I could get off this awful ride. And I can. I have. I finally have an appointment with a doctor to get my Depression/Anxiety under control. I have also joined Weight Watchers. I did this once before while I was with my Ex, and did very well on it! I am excited about doing it again. It was so easy!

It's going to SUCK. Food really is like a drug. Very addicting. I will have to "detox" from all the fast food, sweets, restaurants, etc... One thing I absolutely will NEVER give up is my Diet Coke....I'm a Mom for cripes sake! I need my caffeine! And at least it's diet, right?!

So this is probably the longest blog I have done in a long time, if not, ever! But It feels good to say what I have said. I ask all of you one favor though..... DO NOT ask me how it's going. That is the one thing that drives me crazy. I constantly get asked... "How is the job search going?" Well..let's see...I don't have a job, and if I did get one, I'm pretty sure you would hear me hooting and hollering from the rooftops...So how do you think it's going? So in regards to this as well, please don't ask me how it's going. It makes me uncomfortable. If I want to talk about it, I will talk about it. Either in person, or through this blog.

So yeah. I can't really think of a proper way to end this. So I'll just say.....Ready? Set? GO!!

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Spring cleaning!

I have been gutting my house the past week. Getting rid of all the old crap we haven't touched since last Spring. It feels SO good!

Since I moved in, I've had my Mother's old, dark, bulky furniture in our dining room:

This Hutch, table, and bar were all crammed in there with hardly and walking space in between. It just made the whole area looks dark and dated.

And this view is standing in the entryway between the dining room/living room (entryway to the right in the previous picture)

Gross, right?

Not anymore!!! We finally got rid of all that furninture. It may not be a featured room in Better Homes and Garden, but it's my home. and I just love it. It finally really feels like my home.

And just an added bonus: Kenzie @ 5 1/2 months!