Feeling Better

I'm sorry about the negative tone of last nights post. I just really needed to vent. Some mutual friends ran into them yesterday and when I heard their names it just set something off in me. But like I said last night....Dead.

Annnnnywho! Anyone have any idea on how to fix my friggin layout?!? It was so pretty before, and how it is all sorts of colors. Boooo.

Mackenzie turned 5 months on the 24th! AHHH! She is teething right now and it has been HELL. She hasn't been eating very well, and sleeping is a nightmare. Since she was about 2 weeks, she was practically sleeping through the night. Now we are lucky to get a 4 hour stretch. She spent the night at Grandma's on Saturday. My MIL said she slept from about 9 until midnight, and then was up through the night and into the morning when we met her at Church. She was sitting on J's lap during the service, and I looked over and all of a sudden saw her head slowly going down. She legit fell asleep while sitting up on J's lap. It was the funniest thing ever! She was only out for about 15 minutes. She woke up when we put her back in the carseat. She stayed up for maybe an hour and fell asleep for about 2.5 hours. Got up, ate, played for a little and then back to sleep for another 2.5 hour nap. Got up around 5, bed at 7, and she only got up once the entire night and stayed asleep until 9 am this morning. It was a glorious night of sleep.

While she has been teething, we have been finding she sleeps better in her swing then in her crib. We have been letting her do this for about 2 weeks now. I just really don't want her getting used to sleeping somewhere besides her crib, because I know that is such a hard habit to break. So tonight, while she was sleeping, I slowly transitioned her from swing to crib. She woke up and whined and fussed. I took her out and we sat in the rocker while she ate about 2 oz. Then I put her back in the crib where she started whining and fussing again. I gave her her little teether to chew on (LOVE it! it is a tad big, but it really seems to help), and just let her go. She whined for about 10 minutes and now she is out like a light. SUCCESS!!!!!!!!!!! Hopefully she will sleep for a good while.

In other news, I finally have a laptop again!! You may (or may not, I don't know if I wrote about it) recall that last winter when I was in the beginning of my pregnancy, my laptop shit out on me. I was doing some schoolwork and saving it to a flash drive. J didn't know that if you take out the flashdrive before ejecting properly, it can screw up your hardrive. Well, he knows now. Because when he did that, it went kaput. It wouldn't boot up and would give me an error message. So for Valentines day this year, J was going to get it fixed for me. But the repair shop wanted 50 bucks less then what the damn thing cost to fix it. So they took a trade in, and I got a laptop with a higher processor and more ram, for only 300 bucks. I like it. Not as much as my Acer, but I really don't need a fancy one. I don't upload and need to edit youtube videos, I don't play games. I do school, facebook, e-mail, and blog. The keyboard layout was a little difficult to get used to at first. But now I don't have a problem. The only downside is that it does not have a slot for an SD card. So when I want to put up pics from my camera, or upload videos from my videocamera, I am going to have to get a cardreader. Ahhh well. Small price to pay, I suppose.

So yeah, that is it. I am officially excited for Spring and Summer. We have had no snow this Winter, which has just made the whole season pointless. So now I am ready for flowers and flipflops! I can't wait to landscape our front yard this year! I have so many great ideas. Ahhh the joys of being a professional landscapers woman!

ETA: It's now 3 am and Kenzie has been up and fussing since 1. I succumbed and now she is playing happily in her exersaucer. It's going to be a loooong night.

I haven't done this in a while

So a little over year ago, I think it was right before I found out I was pregnant, I wrote this little gem of a blog. I was in a really bad place.

When I was about 17 weeks pregnant, I reluctantly rekindled my friendship with her. Things were great. It was like nothing at all had ever happened. We acknowledged out fight. We apologized, there were tears. Everything seemed so perfect and like no time at all had passed.

That lasted about a month. And then she dropped off the face of the earth again. I was ticked off, but I was far too consumed with the impending arrival of my daughter to give it any more thought.

Then I had Mackenzie. And she called me that day and asked to come see us in the hospital. I was sketchy. I wasn't really sure how I felt about it. But I thought, why not? Maybe it would be a good way to get things back on track. She came at the most inopportune time. I was trying to get Kenzie to latch on for a breastfeeding session and it was not going well. So my nerves were already shot. Not to mention that IJUSTHADAFUCKINGBABY. I gave up on the breastfeeding and kenzie was screaming her head off. She gets a hold of her and she stops crying immediately. Great. Now I feel like a failure as a mother to some twatwaffle. The visit was strained to say the least. And after she left, I had made the conscience decision that there was no friendship left. I wasn't going to pursue her any further.

And I didn't. Until kenzie was about 8 weeks old. I was driving home from the mall, where I had just bought some Thanksgiving and Christmas outfits for Mackenzie. I heard a song on the radio. "In the Middle of the Night" by Billy Joel. Memories of Mr. Currans choir class came flooding back. That's when there was no separating us. I picked up my phone, and dialed her number. She and her boyfriend (J's former best friend) came over that night. And it was wonderful. Again, it was like old times. This time there were no forced smiles or conversations. We started seeing them more. The whole gang was getting back together again. All was well.

Until it wasn't. She and her boyfriend have been having problems for a long time. He's a class A douche. And that is putting it nicely. She found out he had been cheating on her, not to mention the way he talks to her. It's like he doesn't even like her. Normally, I would just shrug it off, tell myself to stay out of it, it was none of my business. But I legit love the girl. I had to be a good friend and speak up. She told me she was leaving him, how she didnt want to put herself through this anymore. But she was scared of being alone. But, she was still going to leave him. Our last words to each other were: Me: I just don't want us to stop talking again. I don't want this to come between our relationship. Her: That's not going to happen, I promise.

That was on November 27, 2011. And that was the last time I ever spoke to her. I tried texting her, calling her. Nothing. I've seen her around town, with him. They are still living together IN HIS PARENTS BASEMENT. They go out to eat all the time and buy fancy cars with 500 dollar payments, because they don't know how to be real adults, and not have mommy and daddy pay their bills for them.

And it pisses me off so much. Because the nice cushy job she has? I GOT HER THAT FUCKING JOB! She never would have even KNOWN about that job had I not told her about it. And then she was apprehensive about applying, but I pushed her to do it. And when they called me for a reference, I talked her up BIG TIME. Even though what I was saying wasn't even true. I wanted her to get that job, and I knew without a good reference, she would have no chance.

And I am so damn mad because I miss her so much. She'll never know how much her friendship meant to me. Obviously more then it meant to her.

I told J tonight, I am just going to go about my life as if she were my best friend who had a horrible disease and died. Because afterall, there was a death here. A 10 year long friendship is dead. And I am just going to think of her as dead too. Because I honestly think that is the only way I will ever be able to move past this.

That's a little weird, isn't it? Most people just wouldn't care so much and could go on about their lives. I just can't.

And if you ever read this, or it gets back to you somehow (like the last post did). You can't say one fucking word about how MEAN this is. Look at what you've done. You're a liar. And you're a scared little girl who doesn't want to grow up and live in the adult world. I wish you lots of luck with him. Because honey, you need it.

UGGGG

Well I somehow managed to screw up my blog layout. AHHH! I am so PO'd cause I finally had it looking really pretty!!! Ah well.

Mackenzie will be 5 months old on Friday! WOAH! Time needs to slow down! We are having a rough time right now. She is teething and hasn't been eating or sleeping very well. She's very fussy and just wants Mommy to hold and cuddle her. That's fine with me, but it hasn't been easy to get stuff done around the house!

I am excited to say we are getting ready to add a new addition to the family!!! No, not another baby. A puppy for Mackenzie. I know she is young, but I want her to grow up with a family dog. I didn't get my first puppy until I was 16 years old. And that is because my dad was sick and my family just couldn't deal with the responsibility. I don't want that for Mackenzie. Every kid needs to grow up with a dog! A "friend" they can just cuddle up with when they've had a bad day. Besides, now that J and I have decided that I am going to be a full time stay at home mom, it will be nice to have the extra "protection" when he goes back to work in the Spring.

J and I have had dogs before. But it's never seemed to work out. When I first met him, I had 2 Pomeranians. But we were both working CONSTANTLY and I just wasn't giving them the attention they deserved. So they want to live with a nice family with other Poms! Our next dog was KG, our beloved Rottie/Shepard mix. He was such a sweetheart, and a good dog for the most part. But again, we both started working like crazy, and he was SO high energy. We would often come home to a trashed house because he just wasn't getting the exercise he needed. So he went to go live with a nice family on a big farm with lots of room to run. And then, there was Gemmie...My sweet little Pom puppy who I loved! One day, I took her to my Mom's with me and let her out in the backyard to run around while I visited. Little did I know, the side gate had been left open. And off she went, without me even knowing it. We searched for her for weeks. Put up signs, called the Police Department and the local shelters. Someone obviously snatched her up. Who wouldn't snatch up an adorable 5 month of furball?? I can only hope it was someone decent and kind.

But now that things have settled down with Mackenzie, our life is in order, and I am going to be at home all day, we feel this is the best time to introduce a puppy to our family. The weather is starting to get nice, I'll be home...It's perfect! We definitely want to adopt, which makes it difficult. They rarely have puppies up for adoption. But we feel strongly about getting a puppy, and training them from a young age. Just makes it easier for everyone involved. Were not looking to bring home a dog tomorrow, but we have started the searching process. I'll be sure to keep updating!

4 Month Stats!

My little girl is growing up too fast!!

Weight- 13 lbs 3 oz

Height- 24 1/4 inches

Head Circumference - 40 1/4 inches

She is in the 25th percentile for weight, 35th for height, and 97th for HC! My little big-head!

Developmentally she is doing PERFECT, as the Ped. said. She even showed off her rolling skills during the examination.

She had some shots today. I was very proud, she only cried a tiny bit! Made it much easier for me too.

She is having a bad Eczema flare up right now. I've been hearing a lot about the Hazelwood Necklaces on my mommy board. I might give it a shot.

I know, I'm terrible!

I know I always say this, but I can't believe I haven't updated since Christmas!!

Mackenzie is a little over 4 months now. Where is the time going?!? She has her 4 month check up next week, so I PROMISE I will post her stats then.

But I will go over milestones:

-Full on belly laughing now!

-Rolling over from tummy to back, and *almost* from back to tummy

-Sleeping on average 6-8 hours at night

- Eating solids!!! She loves her veggies and doesn't care much for fruit...Go figure. Her favorites are Sweet potatoes, Squash, Applesauce. She's not too sure of Greenbeans, bananas, or pears though.

I think those are all the major ones. J and I took her to the park yesterday for the first time. OH WOW did she have a ball! Here's the proof!