Friday, July 30, 2010

Family History

So, my Mother's side of the family has a few ancestors who are pretty well known. One of them is Captain Henry Bingham who fought for the north in the Civil War. (My family may be Yankees, but I'm a southern Belle at heart!).

There is a monument in the Gettysburg Battlefield that was dedicated to my family in August of 1993 by the Masons of Pennsylvania. It's called "Friend to Friend". It's a statue of my ancestor, Captain Bingham, holding General Armistead and retrieving some of his person effects to give to his commander. Apparently, this monument is a BFD. I didn't know that until today when Josh and I went to see the monument. This is how the conversation went while walking to the statue:
Me: Yeah so apparently my ancestor is holding this other soldier while he's dying and being all nice to him even though they fought on different sides.
J: Oh, that sounds cool...Oh, here's the monument..."
*Walks around, looks at, takes some pictures. Walks over to the side where the discription plaque is and begins reading*
2 minutes later....

J: Ash....Ashley!! Do you realize how COOL this is????? This isn't just another SOLDIER he's holding...It's a freaking General!!!! It's General Armistead! And look, it says here that your ancestor went on the being a General and also serves in the House of Reps. for 32 years!!! That is SO AWESOME!"

Me: Oh....I didn't know that...So, thats like...A big deal?

J: YES! It's a big deal!

*other people walk up to monument*

J: Hey! Did you know this is MY girlfriends family's monument?!? Yeah, she's totally related to Captain Bingham!

I'm telling you, J was like a kid on Christmas morning. He's such a history buff, he loves it. So this was just so awesome for him. And honestly, it meant so much to me, and made me feel so proud that he was so excited about my family history.

Now J wants me to look more into it and see what else I can dig up on my family history.

After the monument, we walked around town and into the little shoppes. We got one of those Old Time photos done, it came out good! I look fat, as usual. It was a bad angle. All 10 of my chins are there in all their glory. But J looks amazing, of course.

It was pretty much an amazing day.
On the medical front, Metformin is a total suckfest.

I started it up again last week and the side effects are killing me. Oh, plus, I'm now 9 day late for my monthly friend...And NO I'm not pregnant. I really really PRAY I'm not starting another one of those 3 months with no period cycles. That was terrible. Right now, It's like I want to get my period, but it just wont come. I'm bitchy, and breaking out, and bloated. But no sign of the witch!

So now it's just a waiting game.

Plus side...1 more week until I get little Edan overnight! Today I went out and bought some little Onsies for her....I've pretty much decided I'm adopting her as my own..Well, not really. But I still want to spoil the heck out of her!
And now, for some pics from today!

Monday, July 26, 2010

Answered Prayers

So I have been praying to God recently. Not that I don't do it regularly. I usually pray everynight for the health and well being of all my friends and family. But lately, I've been praying for myself.

I asked god to PLEASE give me the strength, courage, and most of all PATIENCE where the whole baby thing is concerned.

Today my prayers were answered.

Because in 2 weeks, I am going to be a Mom.

No I'm not pregnant nor adopting a child.

Remember little baby Edan who was just born? Well her Mom is going to be celebrating her 21st birthday. And then the day after, her other little girl is turning 1. So she called me today and asked me "Hey...would you feel comfortable taking a newborn baby overnight?" I didn't even have to think about it! YES YES YES YES YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!! I was elated!! She and her fiance are going out for the night, and I'm keeping Edan so that they can have time to set up for the birthday party without any distractions the next day. Then I'll bring Edan over whenever the party starts.

I get to be a mom for 1 whole day. And it's enough for me. Just 1 blissful day of Motherhood is amazing. I told J I hope she screams and cries all night long and keeps me up. I want the full experience while I have the opportunity! Crazy isn't it?

Obviously, I'm super excited. Probably more excited than a person should be when asked to babysit. A million pictures will be taken to remember this moment.

In other news, I have a job interview tomorrow! I'm not really excited about it because the position isn't great. The money is AMAZING. Like, more than I've ever made before. The only trouble is that it's an air purification company, and my job would entail trying to get customers to set up appointments for Reps. to out to their homes and try to get them to buy these systems. Been there, done that. And it's a HARD job. Especially in this economy. The ad in the paper said "No lay-offs" but that doesn't mean anything. That just means they can TERMINATE you if you aren't producing enough appointments. But a job is a job is a job,, right? I have to TRY. I'm tired of feeling like crap because J is carrying the full weight on his shoulders. Bless his heart, he never complains or acts like he's being taken advantage of. He's very old fashioned in the sense that he believes the man is the provider, which is exactly what he has been doing for the last 2 months.

I think tomorrow will go well though. We shall see! But until then, I'm counting down the seconds until sweet little Edan is here and in her portable crib next to my and J's bed! I probably won't be able to sleep at all that night. I'll just want to watch over her, and watch her sleep.

I'm being ridiculous aren't I?

But I'm HAPPY. And that's what counts!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Having a bad night

What should be a completely joyous event in one's life, turns me into a blubbering idiot.

I just can't handle friends having babies.

Acquaintances? Yes.

Distant relatives? Sure.

Complete strangers? No problemo.

But someone close to me? Fuggedaboutit.

I don't know why....I can't explain it. I am so so SO happy for them, and they are ALL wonderful moms. But in hindsight...Going back and thinking about how they are a MOM and have someone who reaches their tiny little hand out for them in seeking guidance and love....It makes me weep. A lot.

I once wrote a myspace blog that pretty much sums up how I feel.....It went a little something like "It's heartbreaking to know that my body is essentially a death trap for a fetus." But, miracles do happen everyday. I think about all my wonderful infertile friends who are now pregnant, and it makes me smile. But at the same time, it makes me sad to know I have such a long way to go before it ever happens for me. It's not jealousy. Just....sadness for myself but at the same time being incredibly happy for all of them.

I love children. From newborn, to 18. I always have. So anytime I DO get to spend around them, especially the itty bitty ones, is a God send. Which I was able to experience today. I got to hold a baby that was just not even 24 hours old. And it made me smile, but broke my heart at the same time. Am I making any sense?

I dont know...Call me crazy, call me impatient, call me psycho baby lady. Maybe I am. But losing a child screws with you...Even if I never did meet him/her. I'll NEVER get over it. Even if I go on to have 10 children. I'll never get over my angel baby. And I know I'm not the only one. Heck, there are people I know who have suffered losses much worse then mine. But it hurts all the same.

In any case...Welcome to the world little Miss. Eden! You are loved more than you'll ever know!

Sunday, July 11, 2010

A long, overdue update

Well what a fun week this has been! NOT. For those of you who still actually read this, I'll explain

We returned from our wonderful, relaxing, fun vacation on Monday evening. I'll post pictures at the end of this post. We had an awesome time. J and I went to the beach pretty much everyday, I got a good tan, which is almost impossible for me to do. We roughed it by sleeping in a tent! Believe me, that was tough for me! I'm a hotel kind of gal. But it was just so nice to be in the middle of nowhere, and not have to think about home once. No bills, no dog, no job searching, just togetherness.

It was short lived.

On Monday, we returned to our house about 4 in the afternooon. J had suggested going to dinner and a movie which I was psyched about. I started getting ready and realized that my stomach just didnt feel quite right. Kind of like I had to go to the bathroom, but couldnt. I told J maybe we should just stay in tonight since I wasn't feeling well. J left to go pick up a pizza, and all hell broke loose.

Before I knew it, I was doubled over in agony with the most horrible pain in my side. By the time J got back, he found me on the kitchen floor sobbing. I begged him to take me to the hospital, because I was pretty sure it was a Kidney Stone attack. So he piled me in the truck and we began driving and all of a sudden the pain eased up. J and I decided it wasn't a kidney stone. We came to the conclusion that I was......Constipated......lovely, right?

So I chugged some prune juice, took some exlax, and waited. The pain got worse and better throughout the night. Finally around 4 am I was able to fall asleep. I woke up the next morning, went to the restroom *blush* and I felt fine!

On Tuesday I did a big Costco trip, cooked some delicious Jambalaya....there wasn't a drop left to photograph or I would have made a post about it! And then....BAM! Pain hits like a friggin mack truck. It was BAAAAAD much worse then before. I knew something was wrong, I just knew it. And all the while J kept insisting that I must just still be really backed up. But I knew better. I finally screamed out "PLEASE GOD JUST SOMEONE HELP MEEEEEE!!!!!" J got right on the phone with 911 and an ambulance came and took me.

Long story short...I puked my brains out on the way to the hospital....Finally got some pain meds (Toridal is a GOD SEND) and had a CT scan....Diagnosis?? A 2mm kidney Stone!! BOOOYA!! I told ya'll!!! I think J feels really bad for not believing me at first and making me wait out the whole day before getting help. But I can't blame him. This experience was nothing like my last stone. The Doc said it was already really close to being passed and I should pass it that night or sometime tomorrow? He gave me a nice little RX for Vicodin, and you would think that would be it, right?


All day Wednesday I was fine. I went swimming, went out for ice-cream, had a good day. Thursday morning rolls around and more intense pain wakes me up out of a dead sleep!!! I was miserable. I had barely eaten, but I took 2 Vicodin. It took the pain away within the hour. But then the nausea started. I was super nauseaous and I was dizzy and weak. I went upstairs to lie down and BOOM. I hit the floor. I passed out apparently, J came running upstairs and was able to wake me up but it scared the daylights outta him!

Anyway, long story short. TODAY...SUNDAY is the first day I have not had pain. Today is the first day I have been able to eat anything. Yesterday I spent the whole entire day in pain and throwing up. That beautiful tan I got on vacation? GONE. I'm still really weak, and tired. I'm not 100% back to myself. But I feel much better today. I guess I passed the stone, FINALLY.So, here I am, hoping that this nightmare is over and I can go back to my normal life. My house looks like Sanford and Son because I haven't been able to clean anything, and it's driving me crazy. I can't wait until I have the energy to clean and gut this house! I've been here almost a year and I still don't really have it decorated the way I want it yet. Slowly but surely.

Anyway, here are some pics from the trip!Please excuse my horridness and no makeup here

Our little fire that J made

Me helping with hot dogs on a stick!