What should be a completely joyous event in one's life, turns me into a blubbering idiot.
I just can't handle friends having babies.
Distant relatives? Sure.
Complete strangers? No problemo.
But someone close to me? Fuggedaboutit.
I don't know why....I can't explain it. I am so so SO happy for them, and they are ALL wonderful moms. But in hindsight...Going back and thinking about how they are a MOM and have someone who reaches their tiny little hand out for them in seeking guidance and love....It makes me weep. A lot.
I once wrote a myspace blog that pretty much sums up how I feel.....It went a little something like "It's heartbreaking to know that my body is essentially a death trap for a fetus." But, miracles do happen everyday. I think about all my wonderful infertile friends who are now pregnant, and it makes me smile. But at the same time, it makes me sad to know I have such a long way to go before it ever happens for me. It's not jealousy. Just....sadness for myself but at the same time being incredibly happy for all of them.
I love children. From newborn, to 18. I always have. So anytime I DO get to spend around them, especially the itty bitty ones, is a God send. Which I was able to experience today. I got to hold a baby that was just not even 24 hours old. And it made me smile, but broke my heart at the same time. Am I making any sense?
I dont know...Call me crazy, call me impatient, call me psycho baby lady. Maybe I am. But losing a child screws with you...Even if I never did meet him/her. I'll NEVER get over it. Even if I go on to have 10 children. I'll never get over my angel baby. And I know I'm not the only one. Heck, there are people I know who have suffered losses much worse then mine. But it hurts all the same.
In any case...Welcome to the world little Miss. Eden! You are loved more than you'll ever know!
~ Merry Christmas To You & Your Family ~
3 years ago