Thursday, March 11, 2010

Things that make me smile

My dad passed away almost 10 years ago. And no, this is not one of the things that make me smile, you sicko. I was 11 years old. He had been fighting a long battle with lung and throat cancer. He had 2/3rds of his tongue cut out, and a traech put in his throat. He could not swallow, could not eat, could not speak. He had to be fed through a tube in his stomach. He used to torture himself by watching the cooking channel all day long. Finally, my mother and I felt so bad for him, we would go to McDonalds and get a Big Mac, throw it in the blender and let him smell it before we would put it in the tube.

Now, I have a half brother and sister. My dad was a lot older than my mom...21 years actually. My dad had kids from a previous marriage. I always had my brother in my life. We had such an awesome relationship. But I didn't even know I had a sister until I was 7 years old. After that though, we also had a great relationship. She was my "Sissy".

There was always a lot of tension between my siblings and my mother. I guess they always felt that she was trying to take their mothers place. (My dads first wife had passed away). When my dad died...It all went to hell in a handbasket. Fights broke out all over the place between my mom and my siblings. And eventually, they stopped calling. They stopped emailing me. They stopped coming for visits. I no longer had a brother and sister.

I was bitter for a while. I thought it was something I had done. I always said "I don't care! I never want them in my life again!" But really, it made me so sad. I had 2 nieces and a nephew from my brother. And I adored them! But I would never see them again. I would never see how they grew up or the people they turned into. My 2 nieces were only 2 and 4 the last time I saw them.

Now, here is the part that makes me smile....

Facebook is a magical place. About 6 months ago, just on a whim, I decided to look up my Nephew (he was the oldest and my age so I could only assume he would have a facebook). Sure enough, there he was. He and I were never that close, so I didn't try to contact him or anything. Just wanted to see how he was. But then I took a look at his friends...And on there was my youngest niece! AHHH! She's so big! She's not in diapers anymore! She's 12!!!!!!! I just couldn't not say anything. So I sent her a friend request. I wrote her a little message that said "You probably won't remember me, but I'm your Aunt. I'm your dads little sister!". I was so overjoyed when she accepted my friend request and IM'd me that night!

We talked for a while. I asked if she remembered me at all, and surprisingly, she said she did a little. I didn't get into most of the stuff as to why I hadn't been in her life all these years...shes a little too young for that. I found out a lot about her. She is so much like me. Very into singing and acting and horseback riding. That made me smile to hear that. It touched me.

And now we have a great relationship. She wants to come visit me, we text a lot, its great. But that's not all...

Not only did I find her on there...I found my brother. We have been speaking too. And the icing on this delicious cake? I found my sister! She was a tough one to find. I knew absolutely nothing about her except her first name and her married name. And of course, the last name that we shared. I plugged her name into google and it came up with a high school reunion page. It had her listed there with a last name that I had never heard. I knew it had to be here based on the school and year of graduation. So I plugged the new name into facebook and BAM! There she was...Picture and all to confirm it. I lost it...the tears started.

I sent her a message and asked if she remembered me at all. I saw that she only had like 5 friends on there so I got a little discouraged thinking she probably never gets on and would never see my message. But the next morning, I had a message from her. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever read.

She said how she was so glad I found her. How she had been following me throughout the years via myspace and facebook. She never contacted me because she thought I hated her. And she wanted it to be *MY* choice for us to have a relationship again. She said how she always loved me and how she wanted us to be sisters again.

That makes me smile. A big ol' grin from ear to ear. All these years, I thought she didn't care. I thought she just chose not to be in my life. And here, all this time, she cared enough about me to keep an eye on me and make sure I was okay. I found out I have a 7 year old niece....And the weird part? If you remember me saying earlier, I was 7 years old when I found out I had a sister. And my little Niece is now 7 and just found out she has an Aunt.

These are the things that make me smile. Things have been going to shit with my Mom's side of the family. Those people could care less about anyone but themselves. I was starting to feel like I had no real family. But then my brother and sister and nieces walked back into my life, and I feel like I do have a family again.

It makes me smile. And Daddy....I know you're smiling too....Your family is back together and we love you.


  1. That was a beautiful post. I'm so glad you reconnected with such important people. I hope you carry them with you forever. :)

  2. facebook is amazing like that! my stepdad found his daughter that his ex-wife left with over 25 years ago and changed her name!