Saturday, August 21, 2010

Moving on and up, and letting go

Boy do I have a lot to talk about today...Where do I begin?

I'll begin with my Niece.

She just turned 13, and we have such a great relationship since we reconnected last summer. I've been able to be the Aunt that I always wanted to be! I knew, that eventually, she would want to know why I wasn't in her life for 10 years. And tonight, she finally asked that question.

I just found out, my brother divorced his wife, who is the reason I never got to know my Nieces. My Niece is pretty upset by the whole experience, and her family has been divided in 2. Her moms family is of course, taking her side, and me? Of course I have my Brother's back. So she finally asked me tonight. What could I say to her? I always told myself if would tell her the TRUTH if she ever asked. And so I did. She was pretty upset finding out all this information. But in the end, she understands. And I told her that it doesn't matter what happened in the past. All that matters is that we are in each other's lives now, and no one is going to separate us again. I truly feel so blessed to have her in my life. I'm so excited she feels the same way, and I can now watch her grow into a beautiful woman!

That's my moving on. Now for letting go.

I have a person in my life, who is just an amazing woman. She is my ex's brother's girlfriend. We'll call her R. She and I got very close over the last year because we have one of many things in common...We can't stand my ex's mother. Don't even get me started on her. This woman does not deserve to breathe the same air as the rest of us...For reasons SHE knows. She knows very well how she's screwed up her and her son's lives.

Anywho... R is very sick. Very sick. And has been for quite some time. After 2 years, she is finally getting the help she needs, thank God! She's getting major surgery on Thursday and I'm just worried sick about her. I wish I could be there for her. But she knows I'm there in spirit. So, if I can ask all ya'll to send good vibes and thoughts and prayers for her, that would be amazing!

Now, I don't talk to my ex...At all. I found out he's moving to NY on the 14th of September. Good for him. I also found out he has a girlfriend. Again, good for him. It took him a freaking YEAR to finally let me go...Up until about 3 weeks ago he would call me and txt me crying "please come back to me, I'm still in love with you, there will NEVER be another you!" Riiiight. I hate to say I told ya so, but.....

We had a dog together though. A sweet tiny little 3 lb Chihuahua named Lyric. I loved her so much but for financial reasons had to leave her behind until I could afford to have her shipped to me when I moved back home. Well, he was refusing to give her to me, and his mother, and I use that term losely, said the only way I could get her back was if I paid them for however long they were taking care of her. Yeah...You're a freaking crook. That's called extortion. So now I've come to find out that my Ex will not be keeping the dog...His mother is. This makes my blood boil like nothing else ever could. This woman robbed me blind while I was living with them, and now she's gotten my 800 dollar dog out of me too???!?! I could fight it. All her paperwork is still in my name, and I've already talked to the breeder who said she would be a witness for me. I could do it. But I'm not going to. I'm letting go. Yes, this kills me, and I know she is getting great pleasure out of it....But I'm letting go. I don't want any ties left to her or my ex. And Lyric would be a constant reminder. I know my life is so much better without them in it. And I know GOD has a special place for people like her. I'm letting go.

Moving up:

I am ECSTATIC to let you all know that


Just kidding! Gotcha ;)

I know ya'll are waiting for that announcement...Not yet though.

No, but I am going back to schoool!! HAAAAAALLELUJAH!!!!

I am soooo amazingly blessed that my mom has agreed to help me go back to school. Now I can REALLY get my life on track.

J and I have been fighting a lot lately, because I have been feeling incredibly guilty about him paying all the bills while I've been out of work. I've been very on edge and tense. I'm not used to being taken care of, it was always the other way around. And I had been starting to feel like HE was feeling like he was being taken advantage of.

So now, going back to school, I won't feel so crappy for being out of work, because I'm DOING SOMETHING WITH MY LIFE!!! Thank you God!!

I'm going to take this town by storm. I'm Ashley. I don't fail. I won't! Look out world, here I am!!!!!!!!!!!!


  1. Way to go girl! I'm glad everything is getting lined up! I hope your friend's surgery goes well!

  2. Sweetie, prayers are lifted for R, I do hope she fairs well thru this.

    Well, you got a lot off your chest today ... I love the word CONFIDENCE, I truly do!!!!!

    It is time to release all of the past, tuck it away, & move along. There are lots of injustices in life, but we have to just move along ... or you can linger in the past ... Closing a door is easy never to be mentioned again, reopening it is harder.

    Here you have wonderful Joshua that loves you so much ... truly he does. I know he is there always for you ... there is no reason to fight, if he feels content taking care of the situation at the moment, then accept gracefully his caring deeply enough to share & give to you ... give him a clean home & a warm meal when he comes home, he'll be happy. A job will come along the more you pursue it as we spoke of it the other day. Remember, you always have Poppy & me, that love you dearly. What more can you ask for ...

    How grateful I am that you took my advice, & your Mother is helping you, & you are in COLLEGE!! Yippy skippy!!!

    Life is what one makes of it, Ashley ... you can move forward with joy in your heart, peace of mind & gratitude from & of God ...

    You know we are here for you always ... just pick up that phone.

    BTW, how was the taco meatloaf?

    Love always, Mini