Scary Appointment

Well today was much more scary then I had anticipated. OY what a day.

First of all...It started snowing around 3 am. J got called out to go work around 4 so I was devastated thinking he wasn't going to be able to make it to the appointment...If my appointment was even still on. For all I knew, they could close down the office for snow!

But thankfully, J was able to take time off to take me, and the office remained opened.

They did a urine test. Positive, of course. They asked me a bazillion questions. They asked me how I was feeling. They did a pelvix exam and the dr said my cervix "feels very pregnant and long, just like it should be!" phew.

On to the scary part. The ultrasound. They did an internal, and being 6 weeks, I was fully expecting to see a sac with a tiny little speck in it. Nope. Nothing. Not even a sac. The most horrible words I heard were "I'm not seeing any sign of pregnancy from this ultrasound." WHAT?!?!?!! You mean my fears came true??!? Every single effing test I took was a false positive and I'm not really pregnant?!?!? I wanted to die.

So she suggested that I have a beta draw done today, and friday to see if my numbers are rising. If they are, it could mean 1 of 2 things. 1- I'm not quite as far along as I thought, and it may just be too early to see anything. Or 2- Ectopic pregnancy. Now, if the numbers don't rise and double...basically it means impending miscarriage or I have already miscarried. However....The Dr said she really truly believes it is just too early, what with my PCOS making me have irregular cycles and all. She is highly doubtful of an ectopic since the cramps I have been experiencing are not painful, and I have no bleeding whatsoever. She also said that my uterine lining was VERY thick, indicating that it is getting ready to "create a nest" for baby. She was very reassuring of the fact that it was just too soon. Of course, I didn't believe this.

I sobbed the whole way home. I was, and still partially am convinced that all of this was too good to be true and I will lose this baby, if I haven't already. But...A couple of my friends who have had kids told me they went through this same thing. Saw nothing early on, not even a sac, then a few weeks later, BAM! There was baby! So I am still hopeful that this could work out!

I'll go back in on Friday for my second beta. Then as long as the numbers look good, in a few weeks to a month, I'll get another U/S done to see if there is anything there. Please God, let there be something there.

So for now, I'm still pregnant, still worried sick. This is going to be a loooong few weeks.